should i stay... - TravelPUNK Backpacker College Student Budget Travel Message Boards!

xtremefx · 05-24-2006, 08:47 AM

ooo'k so life is a nightmare,and dreams are trapped and slowly dissapearing in this small vortex of hell,all thanks to my parents,well mainly thanks to my parents XD

so come 15th June if i havent given money to my parents i am gettin kicked out of teh house,i have to give em money as a rent kind of thing,and considerin i dont have the best job (little hours,crappy pay),i dont get much money,and what money i do get i am trying to save for stuff that i can get so i can buy things i need fer travellin at end of year,now my life is really really bollocks at home,andlife is baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad,basically i dont kno how much money to give them,i will have £300 say come the date,and i was thinkin about givin em £200 or £250 and hopin that will keep there mouths shut,but i feel it wont,and things will get worse and worse,until there maybe only 2/3 options left,as i was at home for a few minutes earlier on,jus gatherin some stuff before i had to go back to work,my dad and i started havin a row,and i was home less than 5 min,and then after i got some stuff sorted out,i was back off to work,cos i couldnt stand the atmosphere,im not sure what else to say,if you want something more detailed then msg me and ill talk to ya,if not then a comment on how stupid i am and how awesomely correct my parents are will do,i say this because not much of a story has been put down here and parents are older and wiser kinda thing.

so should i save what little money i have,and come june 15th just go somewhere,like london and try and get something done down there,and somethign sorted or should i stay and give them money,and keep living in a bottomless pit of nothing and failure which comes from me parents,today,at lunch is the only real time when i thought about sayin fuck it and going,ive thought about going before,many many MANY times before,but at lunch today i really thought

what ya think i should do

hmmm,i expect quoting and responses that i wont like

cheers,Ryan

**worldwidemike** · 05-24-2006, 08:55 AM

Here's what I'd do:

Look around and see how much renting a place would be in your area. Then, ask them how much they want in monthly rent from you, and compare it to that amount. If they're asking anywhere near the "going rate," tell them it's too much. Tell them if they ask for too much money, you'll never save up enough money to leave, and that they'll be stuck with you. And if they try to say that you should contribute as much as a stranger renting the room from them, that they'd end up paying for a LOT more expenses to rent to the public (getting the place to conform to local standards, etc). They should charge you less since you're their son!

Good luck...
worldwidemike

JeanB · 05-24-2006, 08:58 AM

Ryan fuck it, and fuck them.....I feel the same way about where i am at the moment too. Lets do the right thing and get our arses somewhere else where we won't feel eternally guilty for existing.

Dont let em grind you down........its a big wide world and there are loads of places we can live, other than the shittish isles.

Obviously you need a plan, so have you considered tefl? or bar work in london? theres loads of shitty jobs everywhere, not just where you live. keep that money and use it wisely. spend it on getting the hell out of dodge.

And above all else......good luck geezer.......

**expatben** · 05-24-2006, 10:03 AM

Geeze thats terrible! If I were you I would move out. Maybe get a place in the area so you can keep your job. Would any of your friends/family put you up for a while?
TEFL is a good way to get out of the UK I myself have dabbled in it. Infact, you can even do a TEFL outside the UK. If you want more info on TEFL or if theres anything I can help you with feel free to message me.
Sorry dude
Ben

**lauren313** · 05-24-2006, 10:46 AM

Well, I think it's perfectly reasonable for your parents to charge you rent. When I get home from uni, I'm getting charged £25 a week by my parents, which obviously is waaaay less than the going rate at the minute.

You actually need to talk to your parents about this, not just assume they want a certain amount of money - if you don't ask, you'll never know. Maybe you can ask them what they think is suitable for weekly rent, and then actually come up with a plan on when you're going to start paying, how much, and when the money is due each week/month. That way there won't ever be any confusion.

Obviously you're not particularly happy living with your parents, but the other thing to remember is... if you can't afford to give your parents money, you won't be able to afford to live all on your own in London. Of course, you'll try to get a better job, but London is a pricey place to live.

Good luck.

**Brookers13** · 05-24-2006, 10:47 AM

well i know for sure that theres no way i could live at home again...but ive been away for 3 years now. But, here's what I think. If you could barely scrape that amount to pay them, I don't see how you're going to be able to pay for your own place and bills...shitty but true. So I say work something out with them like pay them 250 and have them put 50 aside each time for your "moving out fund". Then you keep saving on your own too and when the time comes, you have a lil savings account started to help you out...just my opinion, take from that what you will

**TheJake** · 05-24-2006, 10:53 AM

I am 21 and in a similar situation though my parents haven't started charging me rent yet, thank god. I used to fight with them a shitload and then I just stopped caring and stopped fighting. For now I have to be here to get my debt paid off, sure i could move and still pay stuff off but my other expenses would make it much harder. However if my parents tried to charge me to live there you can bet your boots i'd be gone within the week. They tried to do it to me once when they thought I was blowing all my money on booze and going out but then I proved them wrong by staying home for a month and not answering my phone.

Basically it's been the longest year and a couple months of my life but i have gotten one and a half credit cards paid off so only another one and a half to go. And i didnt even try to pay them off until a couple months ago so I know with some certainty that i will be out of here by january.

My advice to you is to look at a site like www.coolworks.com (i know there is a site just like this for uk kids but i can't remember what it is) and find a gig like www.ymcarockies.org where they house ya feed ya, and pay ya.

Hell the Ymca of the Rockies would probably even sponsor you to get a visa but you'd have to buy your plane ticket.

Best of luck mate!

**bluepea** · 05-24-2006, 12:07 PM

I think you've gotten some great advice. I think if you're only 18/19, it's kind of cruel for parents to charge rent. You're still getting adjusted to the adult world - why make it harder? But, if you're older, sometimes parents need to give that push to get their house back.

I would definitely talk to them as see what they want. Explain that you'd like to save, but perhaps take on more chores around the house. Otherwise, consider your other options.

foofiter · 05-24-2006, 12:13 PM

You already know my opinion from chatting and getting support here from these people.

They are right about the money thing...but you can go on the Dole again if you have to until you find work wherever you end up man. If you want something bad enough you will get it. Plain and simple.

Lets not forget--you WORK IN A HOSTEL. You can live there and save money. I am sure the boss can give you a break on the rates and such. So you should see what kind of deal he will give you, ask the parents how much they want, and go with the cheaper one. Then all you have to worry about is food.

So get off your ASS and take action!!

Foo

Echeverry · 05-24-2006, 03:18 PM

I have the solution! let's all become hippies and live in reykjavik! nah honestly, listen if they are planning on charging you ask them for time so you can get all your stuff straight (Keyword: Finally) and that you really want to see what you can find outside your house but that they can please give you like 2 months( Which you will turn into 3 months) and be out of the house in a more stable situation. or you can simply get out of the house and make a friend tell them that you got robbed in middle of the street and that they took all your money and savings and now you are living as a homeless under a bridge! They'll go for the rescue!

**bluepea** · 05-24-2006, 03:33 PM

Quote:

I have the solution! let's all become hippies and live in reykjavik! nah honestly

Thank god you were kidding. Have you ever been there in March??? No wonder Iceland has such a high suicide rate!

**Somnambulation** · 05-24-2006, 10:35 PM

Sounds like its time to go Menendez on they asses.

**MeTurk** · 05-25-2006, 03:57 AM

I feel like I'm having a Dr Phil moment.. They are your parents for Gods sake go and give em a big hug, their proably just sick to their hind teeth of the site of you.

Seriously though they are entitled to get rent off you and their probably asking more to teach you the value of money and give you some aprechiation of paying your way in the world.

Stop fighting and have a chat I'd say if your up front with them and say your plan is to leave but you just need time to save some money first, they'll understand and help you.

I remember getting all thick when my mother asked me to pay rent but in retrospect I feel like a right selfish prick for not giving her rent. It's just to easy to take your parents for granted.

**lauren313** · 05-25-2006, 04:01 AM

^ ^ ^

Well said Dr Phil (I love that man!). I completely agree, once people turn 18, they're no longer the "responsibility" of their parents, and at some stage after that, I think rent is a good idea. I know for a fact that my parents have better things to spend their money on than food and electricity and water for me... which is why they ask rent.

Parents get to a stage where they have to start setting you up for adult life, and as rent is something you'll face in the real world, it's pretty good practice if you ask me!

xtremefx · 05-25-2006, 04:12 AM

im not complainin about not having rent or anything,i mean before,like last year when we lived in a crummy flat,i was paying em £140 a month and that was for phone bill(long story-ish) and rent,£70 for rent and £70 for phone bill,and i would rather not pay rent,who wouldnt but i have no quams about doing it,but with what small amount of money i get,its kinda hard,and i dont spend my money on anything except food,i only buy food and drink incase i have to stay at the hostel for a night or 2,i dont drink or smoke,and i dont go to town to see my friends,(one bus to/fro everyday and costs £11.80 for a return,75 miles away),when im not workin,im at home,ok,FACT - i could get another job,but with the fact of my current job,this job,the hostel job,it makes things so much more confusing with the possible end up no days off,no rest,and more stress,and high stress levels and teenage life as a whole,thats not good

i complain alot,hmmm...

**expatben** · 05-25-2006, 07:06 AM

Try talking with them and come up with some arrangment. I pay my folks £100 per month which covers food, electricity phone ect. We just agreed on it and moved on, its a lot simpler we all know where we stand and stuff. So yeah, just flat out ask your folks how much they want, then, tell them how much you have and work things from there. If you come to an agrement great and if not than think about going somewhere else.
I feel bad for ya though and I hope it works out

**Elizabeth** · 05-25-2006, 07:44 AM

Sorry to hear things aren't going so great. I feel for you. I'm only 17 and my mom is already trying to get me to pay half the cable bill and part of the rent. I'd be giving her my whole paycheck

Why would you want to go back to London? I remember you said London didn't work out for you (the reason you said is escaping me now lol).

Just throwing out this thought right here - If you can't get enough work/pay in your town and you're not paying any or very little to your parents, its going to take you a long time to save up than in a place with a lot of work. If you can't get enough work/pay in your town and you have to pay rent to your parents (possibly a large percentage of your pay?), then you will probably never have enough money saved. Its like a no win situation.

I don't know what the job market is like in the UK but could you go to a city with more work, but less expensive than London? If you're going to have to pay full rent to someone, it might be better for it to be in a place where you can make more money.

But I'm really bad at descision making, which is why I chose the 4th option

xtremefx · 05-25-2006, 08:01 AM

there is no reasonin,because i didnt have a job for about6 months or sumit,i really cant rem how long atm,and i had been spunging of em fer so long,i think they want money to cover those back months,

i left london because i...can't remember