Can it really be done? - TravelPUNK Backpacker College Student Budget Travel Message Boards!

Coffee Eyes · 07-03-2005, 09:11 PM

I wasn't sure whether I should post this in the solo section or here, but the “newbies come here” sign lured me in with its neon brightness.

I'll be 18 this spring, female, never been backpacking, and come from small town suburbia (read: fairly sheltered). I've been dreaming about traveling for so long, and I can't believe my first chance is finally here. I'd love to start out very safe and slow with a 1-month backpacking tour through the major western europe touristy locations (London, Paris, Pamplona for the Run with the Bulls, etc.) the summer of 2006 right after I graduate, but my parents aren't at all comfortable with the idea.

My father understands the advantage of soloing despite the scariness of being all alone, but he’s adamant I wait until I graduate from college to begin my journeys. As much as people say Europe won't fall off the face of the planet anytime soon, I can see globalization doing its magical thing all over the place, and the longer I wait, the less I'll truly see once I'm there. If I start in four years, then I won't touch the european continent until 2009, and I won't see Eastern Europe until 2011. By the time I get enough experience backpacking through politically stabler/"safer" places like Europe and move on to adventures in Kuala Lampur and Mongolia, the first thing I'm liable to see walking off my Mongolian flight is a McDonald's, a pottery barn, and a Gap store. Call me traditional, but I don't fancy making the guinness book of records for most McDonald's around the world as my life's work, when all you vets have real stories and real experiences.

In any case, I was hoping I could get your opinion on this: Should I listen to my father and wait? I suppose I could compromise and go when I'm 19 or 20, but job internships, lab research etc. for dental school might get in the way. No one can be sure from one moment to the next whether they will have another chance like this. Has anyone gone away with the support of their parents at 18? How'd they manage it? Thinking back to your first trip, how much life experience did you have/how old were you? Do you wish you had waited until you were older to go? The story of the high school student in Aruba has scared my parents away. To get right down to it, from having been to the places I only dream about and seeing the dangers with your own eyes: Is it too dangerous for a sheltered, suburban 18-year-old? I've always been fairly competent at the book-smarts and the bargaining/negotiating and appointment/scheduling stuff, and I think I can handle it and stay safe.

If it makes any difference, I won’t be touching a drop of alcohol.

Thanks so much for all your help. I’m normally hesitant to join in on forums, but you all seem like very nice, helpful people, and I’d really appreciate any help you can give me. And it’s not just an exercise in futility: I’ve made it clear to my parents that I will consider their advice, but reserve the right to choose as an adult whether I will go or not, though my father has in turn made it clear that I will be going without his blessing (ouch. But they’re not the type to make a huge neverending family rift because of it, he will just be very worried and disappointed with me and yet he’ll still call me everyday in Europe, I’m sure of it).

P.S. : Sorry for the length. I know it sounds a bit angsty, but I don't know how to cut it without losing important info. And also, I've read just about everything in the solo section, which has also helped!

xanthuos · 07-03-2005, 10:03 PM

The Colisseum has been around for a few thousand years...so I doubt it's going anywhere. It's probably true that culture in S.E. Asia is changing rapidly, but in the end, I think it'll end up like Europe is anyway. Villages that are hundreds of years old, just with a McDonald's on the corner. Ya know?

With all that said, I'm still an advocate of the idea of "sooner rather than later" because the same argument about going back to school applies to backpacking trips. Those that are susceptible to not returning to school if they leave before they are finished are probably the same that are susceptible to never actually going on a trip if they keep on putting it off for their education, their career, their family, etc.

I left school before I was finished (because of money though), and I'll eventually go back. Right now, I'm in the "travel and enjoy life" chapter.

So balance what your heart and your mind tells you, and follow your instincts. If dad is making you do college right away a condition of paying for it, then I understand it if you put off traveling. Otherwise, if you're gonna be footing the bill yourself, dad will eventually come around.

xanthuos · 07-03-2005, 10:05 PM

haha, I realized after typing all of that I didn't even give you a...

WELCOME TO THE BOARDS!

Kari · 07-04-2005, 05:21 AM

Hey Welcome!!!
Such a delemma! A few questions.... Do you consider your self street smart? I am a fellow suburbinite and I have friends who are really book smart but dont have a drop of common sense. Have you ever traveled anywhere by yourself? I always wanted to travel but it wasnt until I took some short trips around the USA that gave me the confidence as well as the excitement to see other places. Do you really think places are going to change that much in 4 or 5 years? Have you looked into a semester abroad at your college? That may be a way to travel with your parents supporting you.
I would take into consideration what your parents think. Because you dont want to go traveling then god forbid something bad happen and have to get that whole I told you so speech from your parents. Or worse you wait on college and all you ever hear from your parents is when are you going to go to school not oh your were in Europe how was that.... Ya know

I would really look into doing a semester abroad you could go in January and study then during the summer you could do some backpacking.
I am 23 and just came to Europe. I like xanthuos had to put a hold on school for money reasons. I think I could have handled a trip when I was 18 but I think I enjoy and appreciate it more now because I am older then I would of at 18. But that is just me.

Once you finish high school time flies 4 years will go by so fast!!!
I guess my overall advice to you would do both go to college because especially if you go away to school it will be just as memorable as backpacking around the world and find away to travel during summers and holiday breaks. I hope this helps.... considering I am not really sure it even makes sense.... oh well good luck....

**LiveFreeorDie** · 07-04-2005, 12:39 PM

Welcome to Travelpunk!!

You face a tough dilemma. Being 18 is an age where you are ready to set off on your own, become your own person, get some separation from the parents and set off into new adventures. Meanwhile, your parents still see you as a kid who they do not want to let out into the crazy world all alone.

The reality is, however, you face just as much risk at college as you do in Europe (IMHO). The very sad reality is that things like date rapes and spiked drinks and overly aggressive guys (never mind other types of crimes) are very much a risk at almost any college. Everyone needs to experience and navigate certain situations and gain life skills, whether at college or in Europe. They key thing is eventually you need to do this on your own. To me, the question is what can you do to enrich your life, educate yourself about the world and grow as a person?

I also tend to believe in the importance of taking advantage of opportunities when they come, as you never know if they will come again, and so I think you should work some more with your folks to try to demonstrate to them that you are ready for a trip like this.

So, what about compromising with your parents. Have you thought about trying something like Contiki?

Perhaps something like this might be a little more palatable to your folks, as you would have a much more organized (read 'safer' in their eyes) experience. It may be a little better for your folks than knowing you are just randomly wandering around Europe completely alone.

This may not be quite what you envisioned, but may a be a good intro to backpacking and Europe and give you some experience to draw from in the future.

I think it is a little tough for your parents to threaten you with not paying for school if you go, but at the same time, a compromise that works for everyone is the best approach. Good luck in whatever direction you decide to go!

**bellelass** · 07-04-2005, 03:02 PM

Firstly I want to say - You can come travel with me, babe.

You seem like you've got your head on right and know what you want. I like that. I'm going back to the UK for three weeks this winter, next summer is still in negotiations. Seriously, let me know. I'm experienced 21/f.

You are, more or less, an adult. As someone who's been off to uni and spent some time in europe I have to say you will probably face tougher challenges your first year at Uni than you would traipsing across europe. You'll have to learn to discipline yourself to study, eat properly, get up, go to classes, etc. Then there's all the weirdos who hang out around college campuses. I've encountered more of those around University of Texas than I did living in Bayswater, London. When you're travelling, you're still very much on your own, but the challenges are, at least to me, less difficult and more rewarding.
All that said, I wish I had taken a year off to travel before I went to school. I really do. Get a job and start saving money like mad for your trip. Mention your plans to your parents to get them used to it, but make it sound clear that this is something you're going to do and you're serious about. Once they realize that they'll be proudly telling anyone who'll listen that their daughter's going to europe.

One last thing-

Quote:

If it makes any difference, I won’t be touching a drop of alcohol.

WTF? Come on, girlfriend. Tell that to your parents, but we're all friends here..

xanthuos · 07-04-2005, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by bellelass@Jul 4 2005, 03:01 PM
I'm experienced 21/f.

Words I love hearing!

Coffee Eyes · 07-04-2005, 07:10 PM

Heh, thanks for the warm welcome, guys! *is warm and fuzzy inside*

Quote:

The Colisseum has been around for a few thousand years...so I doubt it's going anywhere.

Well, you never can tell how long that ancient roman superglue lasts.

Father's not going to cut college funds off if I decide to go, just be very worried about me. And I can do the trip the summer between college and high school, no deferring enrollment.

I definitely am looking into study abroad like Kari suggested, but I want to do it IN ADDITION to backpacking. I really want to start at 18 because I don't know how many free summers I'll have in college to pursue it. I mean, summer jobs/internships and such.

Quote:

I think you should work some more with your folks to try to demonstrate to them that you are ready for a trip like this.

After hours of conversation, we came to this conclusion, too. As of just a few hours ago, we've decided that my father (guy in his mid-forties) is going to do a trial-by-fire run with me so I can convince him I'm ready. We're going to some place in the states (we live in Cali) for a week, and I'm supposed to plan the whole thing/public transportation, etc. ... and the hostel. My first hostel experience, with my forty something year-old father.

Now all that’s left is figuring where we’re going Dec 26-Jan 1 (NY, San Francisco, Los Angeles, New Orleans don’t appeal to me. Any suggestions in the US?) and we’re supposed to take it from there. So I guess one last summary question: if you had a kid sister who was 18 years-old, would you think it were safe ALONE if she’d never been there before? Before he said it wasn’t a problem, but now the “alone factor” is giving my father conniptions.

Thanks guys for all the wonderful advice. But sheesh, your responses are all so thought-provoking. I wasn’t expecting the soul-searching to begin until I actually GOT to Europe.

But really, it’s helped a lot.

And bellelass, I’d love to meet up with you if I ever get this thing off the ground. Also,

Quote:

QUOTE
If it makes any difference, I won’t be touching a drop of alcohol.

WTF? Come on, girlfriend. Tell that to your parents, but we're all friends here.. coolio.gif

**bellelass** · 07-04-2005, 08:27 PM

*puts out a hand* nice to meetcha, my name's Stephanie. Im an alcoholic and a slut, but heart of pure gold.

I'd just shove off in the middle of the night if I were you. Leave a note though. My parents get upset when I dont leave them a note. Something like "Hi, I love you bunches, I ran off to London with Steph, will call you when I get there, dont worry she's got experience, be back sometime next month." That's all they need really. My parents are as involved and well nosey as it gets but they've become accustomed to their kids running off to the four corners of the earth. Are you an only child or the oldest? Sounds like it.

Quote:

Quote:

(bellelass @ Jul 4 2005, 03:01 PM)
I'm experienced 21/f.*

Words I love hearing!

Heh, I'm off the market, mate.

**worldwidemike** · 07-05-2005, 08:51 AM

Welcome to the Boards, Coffe!

My first intro to solo traveling and backpacking was the summer after I graduated from high school, also. I H-I-G-H-L-Y recommend it. People who say if you go now, you may never end up going back to school are wrong, IMO.
Heck, if a person's desire, drive and discipline to go to college is hanging by such a slender thread that travel might snap it, well, my guess is they're the type who wouldn't have FINISHED school. You don't seem that type.

Anyway, I say go. Since your Dad is meeting you halfway, giving you a chance to "prove yourself" (which should be unnecessary -- he's known you for 18 years!), I say knock his socks off with your trip together.

You're out in Cali, right? How about putting together a couple national parks, stay in low cost hostels with your Dad, take public transport there, do some hiking -- show him what you'll be doing in Europe. Be outgoing and meet other folks, too, so that it doesn't become just a father-daughter trip. Show him you're capable of meeting other people, and that you really won't be "alone."

Omi, KCL, TP...any suggestions on which National Parks might fit well for Coffee's "Training Wheels Vacation"?

And finally: If at the end of it all, he still seems reluctant, I would say go anyway. Tell him that what he's feeling is natural: What good parent WOULDN'T feel nervous about their child becoming an adult venturing off on their own? My parents were worried, as were doubtless 99% of other travelpunker parents...

worldwidemike

**omisan** · 07-05-2005, 01:52 PM

Hmm.. so many things brought up in here that I could relate to, how to tackle it?

First off, welcome, Coffee. By your cogent writing, I think most of us can tell that at 18, you're probably more together than half the 30+ crowd I hang out with.

Parents: I left for college at 17, and although my parents actively encouraged me even at that age to travel and explore, I couldn't do much due to my passport situation all through school. Still, they're not pot-smoking hippies or anything - to this day, they worry even when I take a short trip within California and tend to leave frantic messages if I don't answer my phone at 11:00 on a Friday night

So... Parents will be parents - they'll always worry, no matter how old you are or how big or small an adventure you're undertaking. Bless them for loving you, but don't let them get in the way of gaining the experiences that form who you become.

Going back to school: I dropped out of school about 3/4 of the way through, during the tech boom, and became an engineer with a *very* lucrative salary. After 2.5 years of making more money than I knew what to do with (ok, I did know - lots of bars, lots of clubbing, and lots of weekend trips), I tossed it all aside to go back to school. I sacrificed a huge raise, power over my own department at a huge multinational company, and the comfortable life I had just to go back and get my BA. Why? Because I wanted that more. I think it goes to show that if there's something you truly want - whether it's a degree or world travel - you'll get there... eventually. So don't think that putting off travel 'til later just because you think you won't get around to it.

Putting off travel: I didn't start traveling 'til I was 26. 'Course, I went in head first and went to England solo, which really did the trick for me. Now I pretty much ONLY want to go solo. Although there are times I have spent thinking "I could've started years sooner and experienced so much more," I have to remind myself that travel is not a competition or a means of "collection," but rather a life-enriching experience that's just as good no matter when in life you do it. I put it off for a loooong time, but now I'm all over it like Oprah on a baked ham.

Globalization: No one wants to go and see McDonalds and Starbucks when they travel abroad. Ok, maybe some people, but maybe they'd be better off traveling around the country in an RV. But I have 2 philosophies on this: First, you can get away from it. One of the first things I saw after arriving in San Jose, Costa Rica, was a goddamn Denny's restaurant. I hate Denny's. I hate their food, I hate the service, and I really hated seeing it in a country whose tourist slogan is "no artificial ingredients." The next day in town, I saw more McDonald's, Taco Bells and Burger Kings than I could bother to count. But by the time I got on a local bus and away from the über-Americanized hub, there were no more fast food chains, no more lousy t-shirt shops, and plenty of relatively unspoilt country to see. Second, it's what it is. When you travel, you're not necessarily taking a trip back into time, but seeing what another country/city is like and how it holds its place in the world today. It may be disgusting that there's a Starbucks on every other corner in London or that there's a Wal-Mart within spitting distance of the ruins of Chichen-Itza, but it's real and that's what's happening. There are still unspoilt parts of the world - and many that can never be ruined by modern economics - simply because they're protected or just to obscure or inaccessible. Seek those places out when your time comes, and I'm sure you'll be just as enthralled.

Training Wheels: It's been brought up a few times around here before. I'd recommend hitting up the Grand Canyon... Stay at the Grand Canyon hostel in Flagstaff, AZ, as it's very nice, and very parent-friendly. Since Flagstaff is a lively college town, you can earn your dad's trust by going out with a group of folks from the hostel for the evening and proving you'll be alright in such surroundings. You can even take in the shock of seeing that the only place to get a bite to eat near the GC national park entrance is... McDonald's. This trip will get you set in so many ways at once!

**space virgin** · 07-05-2005, 01:56 PM

^ What he said.

Coffee Eyes · 07-05-2005, 03:38 PM

Quote:

I'd just shove off in the middle of the night if I were you. Leave a note though.

How could you possibly suggest that?! I love my parents way too much for that. I mean, I'd send them a postcard instead-it has a nice shiny picture on the back of it.

The national parks idea sounds like it's got some promise. My dad wants the trip to be to a huge urban place, though. I think we've pretty much decided on San Diego (where I can go to the zoo and get within touching distance of animals that pose a very real threat to my existence and could rip me to shreds-fantastic idea, isn't it?). I'd definitely consider doing a parks trip in the future, though, just for fun.

As for Omisan's post, I'd quote the key insightful information, but then I'd be copy/pasting the whole post.

I s'pose I can see the validity of the globalization argument, that there'll always be untouched places I can visit. It's just difficult to think about having to wait for years. I mean, it's like cheesecake. There are lots of cheesecake flavors out there, but the flavor of the day changes. If I go now and then go back to the same place in ten years, then I'll have an even richer perception of the place. Or if not, at least I'll have had two slices of cheesecake.

I can't believe you left the tech bubble to go back to school. That must have taken serious courage. In any case, you've inspired me on that point

If worse comes to worse and I'm not ready this summer, I'll try and remember that I can take a break from my job and go vacationing.

Quote:

any suggestions on which National Parks might fit well for Coffee's "Training Wheels Vacation

Oh dear. The name Operation: Training Wheels doesn't have quite the cool factor I was looking for. But you know, for an all-expense paid trip to San Diego, I can overlook it.

**tumblezweedz** · 07-06-2005, 12:27 PM

Hey Coffee,

I took my first solo trip after graduating uni, and at 23 (I still lived at home, to help save $$$), my dad still lost sleep...I think he still does, now I'm 37, married, four kids and still globetrotting. Dads are dads, and if you're lucky, he'll never stop worrying about his baby! The "dry run" seems like a good compromise to me, though I'd still try to talk him into something out-of-state (cultural differences, you see!) What about Canada? Then he can see how you handle customs, funny money and such, but still you'll both be relatively familiar with the language!

Since it's winter, I'd recommend Vancouver/Victoria, as everywhere else will be horribly cold. But those offer a good balance of city/less urban attractions, they're close to CA, but you might feel a little like you've travelled more than San Diego.

Also, Vancouver has an extensive public transit network, so you can blow him away with your ability to get around.

I had an opportunity to take some time off uni and travel, but I chose to pass, since I was sure I wouldn't go back to school if I stopped. Judging from my lack of interest in pursuing a graduate degree, I'd say I was probably right! Plus I had to work to pay for my trip! If I'd had a chance to do a semester abroad, I think that would have been a great solution for me. But as it was, I travelled after graduation, and continue to do so all these years later.

Had I gone earlier, I know I would have had a completely different experience (I would have gone with a friend), and seen totally different things, but that doesn't mean that that would have been better or worse than the trip I did. Try not to worry about the whole "it won't be the same later" factor. Venice was totally different 100 years ago, but people who went then still fell in love with it in the same way that I did two years ago. If you go tomorrow or four years from now, these places will still have appeal, regardless of all the Starbucks and Gap stores lining the streets.

pj_ali · 07-06-2005, 04:26 PM

Hey, I'm new here, too, and I will be going on my first major trip abroad when the new school year begins. So to come at it from more or less the same place as you, yeah, my parents (mom anyway) are more than a little freaked out about my being so far away. But I've made it clear to them that I'll be in constant contact with them for the whole duration of my time there. With my mom, that can mean even multiple calls/emails in a day, at least at the beginning. So I guess, IMHO, what all those pop psychologists suggest is true here. Communication's key, since the more your parents know about the progress of your travels, the more likely they'll be able to rest easy and not worry about your safety. What happened to the teen in Aruba is tragic, but also rare. If it's anything, my mom sounds like your fam!

**TheJake** · 07-06-2005, 04:31 PM

Steph - what do you mean you're off the market?!?

Not with that dorkimus i hope?!?! WHAT DID I TELL YOU! I am the only one who knows if a guy is right for you and I said he isnt !!!