when someone dies back home..

[kiwichick]

how do you cope? how do you say goodbye? should you? should you just postpone your grief as much as possible?
i know i havent posted much since i left on my trip but now im really struggling and i know one of u may have been there or may just be able to help.
i seem to be on this bad luck streak, i sprained my ankle in prague, got my drink spiked at oktoberfest and woke up in a & e then was rottenly ill for days, then my pop died back home and i have a very close family and it was his funeral today and i thought i was coping till i called home and now my brothers best mate was killed in a car accident with another friend as the driver, i have known his mate since i was 3 and am best friends with his sister, and her and his family and my family are all hurting so much and im half a world away. i am home in 11 days which may sound like not long but it is SO long.
how do you go on travelling i guess is my question? i have 11 days on one of those 'time of your life' trips and i just dont know how to do it any more.
im sorry to unload like this but appreciate just being able to put it all out in words.

[lauren313]

Aww, hun, I'm sorry you've been having such a bad time of things, it's really been thrown at you.

My neighbour died while I was away last year. We'd lived next to him for almost 12 years, and he was more like a grandfather to me, as I rarely see my own grandparents. He had bowel cancer for about 5 years, and before I went away I knew he was coming to the end. Before I left I went to see him, and said a "see you later" instead of a "goodbye", even though I guess I knew he might die in the 3 months I was away.

So about a month into my trip, he passed away. My mum had been giving updates, and the day after he died she called me to say. I was really upset, but I guess I coped better because I had been prepared for it. I obviously couldn't go to his funeral, which I felt awful about. I discussed with my mum how bad I felt that I was on this trip, and how I didn't want to enjoy myself any more, because it would feel wrong. She told me (and probably rightly so) that Tom (and his wife) would want me to keep enjoying myself. It took a while to get back into the swing of things, but I did find it better after some time.

I found myself kind of dreading getting back home and having him gone, and having to go and see Rose, his wife, and not have him there. I was really scared actually about how she would be, but I needn't have worried about that.

Anyway, I'm feeling it's probably totally different with you, as it was family, and a very close friend. My advice probably doesn't count for much, but I would say stick it out. There won't be much you'll be able to do back at home over these next 11 days, and if your friends and family are anything like mine, they'd want you to keep on with your trip, and get as much out of it as you can.

I'm really sorry again that you're going through this.

[marc873]

I feel bad for the drama happening to you in your travels. You have 2 options as I see it. You can either spend your day dwelling on the events that have happened, or you can postpone that for 11 days, and use the world in front of you as a distraction. There will be plenty of time to mourn and be sad when you get home.
For me, I request that my family or friends not disclose anything to me while traveling. I keep them posted on where and what we are doing, but they respect and understand. I don't want to know!... Its not like I'm going to jump on a plane and fly home, most things would be done (funerals etc..) by the time I actually got back. Ramble.......

I just hope you can try to find some way of moving on, and overcoming this bad stretch of life you've been going through.
Good luck with the days to come, and I hope things work out well.
Marc

[pinknic38]

hey sorry to hear about your loss.

it's easy to feel guilty that you're out traveling when this stuff happens, but I think no one can blame you, these things are unexpected and I think our loved ones would want us to be out having a good time (as difficult as that may be) and seeing the world, then being in mourning and all that stuff.

I understand how you feel though. In July one of my friends from college had a heart attack and I took it pretty hard because I was unable to go home and it was just such a shock. Over here unless it's immediate family, you can't go on emergency leave. Then a few weeks ago my ex boyfriend committed suicide.

So believe me, it is difficult being away from everyone when these things happen, as they inevitably do, but the best you can do is try to enjoy yourself. I know it kind of spoils the place you're at if you visit there in the future but I guess try to make the most of it, as hard as that may be.

Keep your chin up, and we're all here for ya!

[freespiritz]

Oh kiwichick i'm sorry to hear about all the stuff that's been thrown at you. I can't say I've ever gone through anything quite the same, but I hope you manage to still have a meaningful and poignant end to your trip even though events back home are obviously going to affect you. I guess you can choose to let it deepen your appreciation of the life that you're given instead of dwelling on guilt and what-ifs. I really hope you find peace and healing and that the last bit of your trip will manage to be amazing somehow.

[micdans]

I'm really sorry to hear about that. And I can relate, not about the travel part, but I was away. I was blessed to be closer than expected; I was very close to being in Germany for a study aborad program, so I got to see him sooner than I would have otherwise.
My brother died last spring when I was away at school. It was soo tough trying to get by (I took a final before I got home), but just kinda went throught the motions. It was extremely helpful to have some of my best friends there. I would recommend surrounding yourself with individuals that you feel close to, and just be real. I don't think theres a right way to live in these situations but I also don't think it's healthy just to let it sit and fester within. Share what you're thinking, but also enjoy what is around you. Maybe get away for some solitude, enjoy the scenery, think about life.
Personally, I would probably read Psalms, pray etc.

[buzzingtalk]

wow so much stuff to deal with ive never had something really shit happen to anyone else while abreoad. i tend to go abroad to escape life after the shit hits the fan! a freind of mine got murdered in london nearly 3 years ago now, soon after that another freind got stabbed quite badly around xmas. then my mates little sister got hit by a car near my house and died. and an online freind died of hep c not too soon afer. the summer after all of this shit i went to asia. im not sure if this will help you but it did help me, i spent the two months just walkign around in a daze. at first i found it very difficult being away feeling like i should be having fun and finding new things out but all i could do was look back.

but after a while i accepted it. i spent a lot of time in the countryside alone, with me and nature. and i found it so comforting, watching the sun come up and down and knowing no matter what, ill get through it. my advice is to follow your heart - just dont feel bad for not doing something. if you feel really shit, go home! try and get an earlier ticket, if it will help you. if not try and do something to relax yourself. stay calm but dont bottle anything up.

i hope you will be OK and better luck will come to you soon enough

[MissChick]

It's definitly hard when your not there...in january i lose my niece to a brain tumor she was two days short of one... and it was hard I made it home but didn't get to see her she died a couple days after I got home...and then there was the funerals.....I think the only good thing about being away is some times you can pretend it didn't happen...just to get through the days.....I hate that I missed seeing my niece before she died I was in CO for school but in someways its good because I'll always have her smiley face in my head not the sick baby...... .,....life is just really hard sometimes

[kiwichick]

hey guys
thanks heaps for your support. ive decided to stick it out after talking to my friend whos brother it was, shes such an amzing and rational person she just said ' hun none of us can change that hes dead, u'll be here for me in the long run to help me deal with it and thats whats important'. unfortunately will miss the funeral by just two days but thats life.
feeling a lot brighter than i was, my friend im with has been really good just letting me vent and fortunately we have been staying with his family who have been a good distraction and just been nice having people about trying to look after us.
ur replies are really appreciated, lauren particularly reassured by yours, it will be difficult going home, along with exciting of course! relieving mostly i think! have started actually enjoying myself again, londons neat!
ta guys
lotsa luv
denise