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**space virgin** · 11-06-2005, 01:52 PM

Last night I worked a Russian wedding at my regular off-site catering establishment, the Chinese Room. It's on the 35th floor of a turn-of-the-century building with only one elevator going all the way up. (This will be important in a minute.)

Soo, a few times I had to go roust some dirty smokers from the women's room. The men apparently didn't have any trouble finding the BIG, HUGE sliding glass door out onto the observation deck... but the women sure as shit couldn't seem to find it, or maybe they thought they'd melt in the drizzle. Anyway, after repeated warnings of "you're going to set the smoke detectors off and we're all gonna be SCREWED", the inevitable happened. Hee. Hee hee.

The smoke detectors went off. The elevator automatically went into lockdown. The sprinkler system came on... and soaked everything. EVERYTHING, I say! Including the wedding cake. Heh. Not only that, but the building had to be evacuated, so all of these dumb bitches had to hike down 35 flights of stairs in their loud, floppy heels (why can't anyone wear a shoe with a damn ankle strap anymore? Huh? WHY???). The fire department came. And these chicks had to explain to the fire department that no, there wasn't really a fire, it was a false alarm... meanwhile, the wedding was ruined and everything was soaked. Wedding dress. Cake. DJ equipment (we quickly threw a few extra linens over his stuff so I think the damage was minimal, but he's going to bill the shit out of them, I'm sure). Grandparents in WALKERS, who had to be assisted down 35 flights of stairs, thankfully not by me. Actually I don't think they made it that far. It was awful, but we didn't care. I ended up working til 3am because of it, AND when everything was done and we were all back upstairs they wanted me to serve the damn wedding cake.

Which wouldn't have been so bad, but the damn icing was made of meringue, so it turned into freaking GLUE. I still have some on the side of my shoe and it's not coming off.

Everyone was furious. The bride and groom understandably, the fire department because they had to climb 35 flights of stairs in their gear. And all because of a filthy habit.

If that's not impetus for them to consider quitting, I don't know what is...

**U2fan** · 11-06-2005, 02:30 PM

Oh my GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I were that bride, I would turn into a BRIDEZILLA (is that possible post wedding?) and I would be sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo pissed at those stupid women. My God, I would be seething; so much money; a day you want to be perfect pretty much ruined....

Also, the women should have to pay for the ruined DJ's equipment. That is the least they can do.

**TheJake** · 11-06-2005, 02:37 PM

I would ban them from my presence for all of eternity for being dumb putas.

Wow.

xanthuos · 11-06-2005, 02:58 PM

It's not the women that are gonna end having to pay for any damage to the DJ's equipment. It's the bride & groom (or their parents). If I were the bride & groom, I'd extract payment from those womens' hides. :greenguy:

**omisan** · 11-06-2005, 03:08 PM

If only they could be punished by having every pack of cigarettes they open again be soggy and wet!

**U2fan** · 11-06-2005, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by xanthuos@Nov 6 2005, 05:58 PM
It's not the women that are gonna end having to pay for any damage to the DJ's equipment.* It's the bride & groom (or their parents).* If I were the bride & groom, I'd extract payment from those womens' hides.* :greenguy:

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Yeah, that's what I meant.

**space virgin** · 11-06-2005, 08:29 PM

Turns out the bride was one of the dirty smokers throughout the evening, but she wasn't down there when they set it off. Haha, I forgot to mention that I think someone's stash of coke got wet too, as they were possibly doing lines at the time as well.

**Tadpole** · 11-06-2005, 09:55 PM

wow talk about a damp future. Is the hotel liable or are the smokers liable?

**space virgin** · 11-06-2005, 09:58 PM

It's not a hotel, it's a building with a very pretty room and observation deck at the top... and the smokers are 100% liable as they caused it. There's a fortune in beautiful old Chinese antiques in the room that have had this happen before (for one reason or another) but they're going to require some work done on them. The carpet may need to be replaced too. And it's brand new.

**The Monsignor** · 11-06-2005, 11:35 PM

I'd have to learn to swear in Russian just for such an occasion!

Stupid people suck!

(as a side note - unless the code somehow requires it, the sprinklers should be keyed to heat sensors, not smoke alarms - but that's just a thought)

**beergal** · 11-07-2005, 02:50 AM

jeanie that was pure brilliance i laughed my little head off ha ha stupid dumb bitches! Ive always wondered what a russian wedding would be like is it very beautiful and romantic? I so wanna be like Muriel!

**The Monsignor** · 11-07-2005, 11:47 AM

I can't speak for a Russian wedding too authoritatively (last one I went to I was 4, but I somehow wound up drunk at it) but, it's pretty close to a Russian funeral (cept there's one less at the bar) and those are a pretty big affair (nothing quite like being drunk under the table by a 92 year old priest that speaks no English).

**TERI** · 11-07-2005, 12:01 PM

I would have ended up in jail for murder. wow, its hilarious, as long as it wasnt me.

**bellelass** · 11-07-2005, 03:29 PM

AWFUL! I smoke like a chimney, but thats just not cool at all. Hos.

mark-0 · 11-07-2005, 04:06 PM

If you're at a wedding, then you must know the bride and groom in some capacity. Why, then, would you risk ruining it by smoking in the bathroom (where it will fill up with smoke and you will reek like an ashtray) rather than step outside? Someone posted that the sprinkler system should have been hooked up to heat sensors and not smoke detectors. Even having the smoke alarms go off during a wedding at a building that big would be a massive inconvenience. I know I wouldn't appreciate an ear-shattering alarm going off during my best man's speech.

**benna2** · 11-07-2005, 04:18 PM

Yeah I think if I was the Bride I would have went a little insane as well.

BUT...she was one of the smokers as SV pointed out...she was just lucky enough not to be smoking at the time it happened.

It sucks that people are that dumb that they can't find the proper place to light up their butts...

mark-0 · 11-07-2005, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by benna2@Nov 7 2005, 07:18 PM
Yeah I think if I was the Bride I would have went a little insane as well.* BUT...she was one of the smokers as SV pointed out...she was just lucky enough not to be smoking at the time it happened.

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I didn't even notice that post. Isn't there a mandatory common sense class people have to take? Wait, if you have to take a class then it's not common sense. Ok, so WHERE HAS COMMON SENSE GONE? This is an official "Missing Persons" report, stating that Common Sense was lost, we're not sure where, or when, or what it was wearing at the time, but it's lost and we need YOUR help to get it back to the people who need it most, like people who smoke so much they set off sprinkler system.

**ScarlotteDorian** · 11-07-2005, 05:15 PM

and you thought you weren't going to have fun on saturday night jeanie.

i don't know how mad i'd be if that were my wedding. i almost think that if i had a drab "everything went according to plan" wedding instead, i'd be more bummed out. at least they will eternally have a wedding story worth telling.

Quote:

Originally posted by mark-0@Nov 7 2005, 04:55 PM
This is an official "Missing Persons" report, stating that Common Sense was lost, we're not sure where, or when, or what it was wearing at the time, but it's lost and we need YOUR help to get it back to the people who need it most, like people who smoke so much they set off sprinkler system.

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^

**space virgin** · 11-07-2005, 06:15 PM

Drab it certainly was not.

And to clarify: the bride was Russian but the groom was not. So, effectively, it was a wedding with a bunch of Russian people and 3 different carafes of different flavors of Stoli on each table.

This is what the building looks like. You see that weird part towards the top, just before the "pyramid" starts? That's the Chinese Room floor and the observation deck. The smoke detectors are set really sensitive to smoke instead of just heat because they take absolutely NO chances. It's a fucking bitch to get out of that place if the elevators are shut down so they'd rather panic first and have fewer deaths... methinks.

**kingcrazylegs** · 11-07-2005, 11:04 PM

thats a great story