Invited a friend, and regretting it - TravelPUNK Backpacker College Student Budget Travel Message Boards!

itsmemollyc · 02-14-2005, 08:58 PM

I have a problem. I invited a close friend of mine to go backpacking around Europe with me next summer, she loves to travel, and speaks German fluently. The problem is that she doesn't want to travel the same way I do. I want to budget all the way, and stay in the cheapest hostels and avoid eating at expensive restaurants. I have limited funds and am hoping to see Europe on no more than $30 a day (if possible). She, on the other hand, is all about staying in hotels and eating at the nice restaurants. She hates dormitory style living and communal bathrooms (whereas I've lived in a dorm for the two years I've been in college). What should I do? Should I tell her that she can't come with me, or should I find a way to approach her about the situation, and see if I can convince her to travel cheap, like me? Has anyone else had a situation like this? I don't want to hurt her feelings or lose her friendship. Advice, anyone?

**TheJake** · 02-14-2005, 09:21 PM

if she's staying in the hotels bum on her!

if that doesnt work out tell her straight up you dont have that kinds of funds. Easy peasy!

**urOZm8** · 02-14-2005, 09:56 PM

I hate to say it but I would seriously think about ditching her. These two methods of travelling to me seem to be chalk and cheese. In a hotel your going to be paying more, it will be less personal and your not going to meet as near as many people. In the hostel you'll meet so many more people who you'll sightsee and drink, and have some crzay adventures with.
If you cannot ditch her I would advise to do it both ways and hopefully she will realise the best and only way to travel!!

ev

**TheWills** · 02-14-2005, 11:40 PM

Like Jake said just say you cant afford that tell her shes outta her mind cause europe is super expensive, plus this is the kinda travel you wanna do tell her hotels and restaurants are for old people, say hell we might as well rent an RV while we are at it! Just tell her this is how you wanna travel Europe backpacking with all the crazy twists and turns that go with it

starpiste · 02-15-2005, 07:00 AM

Sometimes hostels will have twin rooms and some even with private bathrooms. That might be an option if a bit limiting.
I'd just tell her you can't afford to do it the way she wants to - she can't really argue with how much money you have.

**LiveFreeorDie** · 02-15-2005, 09:32 AM

I think the most important thing about staying in hostels is the communal experience. You meet soooooo many people from all over the place and to share experiences with those people and perhaps travel with them for a bit is really the most important part of the trip. When you stay in hotels and eat in fancy restaurants you wall yourself away from other travelers. There is virtually NO communal feeling whatsoever and you will meet far fewer travelers. To me, that would cheapen the experience tremendously. As a compromise, you could try to stay in hostels with twin rooms, some even have esuite bathrooms. But what is the big deal about communal bathrooms? Actually, the problem with that is, you run the risk of at least on some occassions not getting a double and being forced to share a room with other people - it will happen, no matter whether you have resevations for all double rooms or not - hostels make booking mistakes, etc. How will she react? Is she the type to bitch and moan and make everyone around her miserable if she is unhappy? If she is AT ALL like that, you should go by yourself. If you do not have a friend who is very easy going and can go with the flow and deal with adversity with a smile....don;t travel with them. You will meet plenty of traveling companions on the road. the nice thing about them is, if they do not click with you after awhile, you can ditch them and be on your way with no guilt. Good luck - its a very tough all on how to deal with friends....but at some point you need to be selfish and look at what's best for you. You may only get one time in your life when you can do this and you do not want a bad experience if you can help it.

**TimmyJames1976** · 02-15-2005, 09:39 AM

hey...it's your trip...you invited her, if doesn't like the way you travel then she can do her own thing

**space virgin** · 02-15-2005, 09:49 AM

I had a somewhat similar situation last year, although my friend (who also speaks fluent german, but that's cause she lives in Germany, lol) sorta invited herself along with me. It turned out to be fantastic, but there were lots of compromises to be made. She wasn't very enthusiastic about staying in hostels either but since most of the time it was much cheaper she went with it.

It's possible that in some places you go, it will be easier for the two of you to split the cost of a room in a small pension or something rather than a dorm at a hostel. This turned out to be the case for us in a couple of places, and I must say that it was nice to every once in a while have a break from hostel life in a private room.

However, that being said, everyone else is right: This is YOUR trip, and you only have X amount of money to spend on it. So if she's absolutely inflexible, try to gently let her know that you will not be traveling under the same circumstances that she will be; and perhaps, if that's really what she wants to do, that maybe you guys can hook up for a beer at some point during your respective trips.

Good luck!!!!!!!!!!

**omisan** · 02-15-2005, 10:47 AM

Because most of my friends are too snotty to stay in hostels, I often wind up traveling alone - and that's just PERFECT by me. Sometimes I'll go somewhere and have my friends meet up with me during the trip, do some stuff together, but otherwise, I just set my own itinerary.

Quote:

gently let her know that you will not be traveling under the same circumstances that she will be; and perhaps, if that's really what she wants to do, that maybe you guys can hook up for a beer at some point during your respective trips.

Now that's some solid advice.

**joanofarc** · 02-16-2005, 09:23 AM

i don't stay in hostels myslef, so i'm w/ your friend on this one.

you should take a walk on the other side, man. hotels and bed and breakfasts particularly, are such a proper top to a day of international wandering. i say make the extra room in your budget and splurge! why travel thousands of miles to be on a budget?

itsmemollyc · 02-16-2005, 11:35 AM

Mostly because I simply can't afford it any other way. Maybe I could splurge once or twice in a trip, but that's about it.

**bluepea** · 02-17-2005, 10:05 AM

Alright, if I was you, I'd definitely take all the others advice, BUT I would add that if she wasn't comfortable with the budget way of traveling then you'd be more than happy to accomadate her by staying at hotels and eating at nice retaurants - all at her cost.

**tecia** · 02-17-2005, 04:09 PM

I stayed in hotels and hostels I really like it in the hostels because I got to meet so many interesting people. If your friend will not stay in a hostel and you can't afford the hotels just tell them. It is not bad to go alone and you will both be unhappy if you are doing things you don't want to do. If it is a good friend they should understand. Break it to them now though.

**bellelass** · 02-28-2005, 08:02 AM

Quote:

But what is the big deal about communal bathrooms?

I dont know either. I have had chicks refuse to stay here and demand payment because they found out the dorms were mixed and the bathrooms were shared...

skorch · 02-28-2005, 10:25 AM

Maybe you can compromise and stay in a private room in a hostel. Then on cold nights you can spoon for warmth and maybe the occasional pillow fiight.

Me2 · 03-20-2005, 11:05 PM

/\ I like this one the best, but only if i get to watch

Kidding, on a more serious note, I too am traveling on buget, just because i can't aford any thing, i am going to be traveling with a friend who is used to fancey but he is willing to drop down to my level

this is the line i used to get him to come and you, but only you, have my permission to use it " If you don't come down to what i can affored I will go alone" ya that showed him

**elfmaiden** · 03-21-2005, 09:03 AM

Well I kinda had this happen to me. A friend of mine and me were going to go Europe together but as I read more I wanted something completely different than him! So I told him straight up, I'm gonna go by myself. It's not really all that fun but if you're stuck with someone who wants something different conflict will occur. (Had that experience travellin' with my sister of all people).

I think explaining the money situation would be a really good idea. Can't do what you can't afford.

Jenn

OHT1910 · 04-02-2005, 12:37 PM

^ think I may have to do something similar.

Done package holidays for two-three years and i'm sick of it. I'm going to the USA for four weeks (Boston down to Miami) as I want the freedom/meet new people thing that hostels and backpacks bring. Its also a testing ground for a gap year.

One of my mates has suggested coming with me and he might be ok with the above, but he is whiney when he doesn't get his way and is talking about driving Boston down to Miami then across to San Francisco in 4 weeks!!! Now another is talking of coming because he has no-one to do the package holiday and he is even whinier and will freak when he stays in a hostel and doesn't have beach and beer to hand at all times (well, maybe the last one won't be an issue actually

).

I get enough hassle at work, don't need whiners with me.

**benna2** · 04-29-2005, 12:48 PM

I am going to go with the popular advice here and say ditch her. Not in a mean way of course, she is still your friend right? But just explain that there is no way you will be able to travel the way she wants to on your meager budget. Besides when you do travel alone you are practically forced to talk to strangers and it's a great way to meet people. Whenever I go somewhere with a friend I rarely wind up meeting others because we just stick to ourselves.

I was telling a friend about my upcoming trip and she laughed at me when I said I would be staying in hostels...she was like "I couldn't sleep there, I am a hotel girl" And I just laughed and said "And that's why you are not going with me!!"

travelguy · 04-29-2005, 01:13 PM

ditch her. hostels are cheaper and a lot more fun. save the hotels for when youre 50 or with your significant other.