Worried parents, how to deal with em - TravelPUNK Backpacker College Student Budget Travel Message Boards!

**Canadian Bacon** · 05-03-2007, 08:17 PM

Hey tpunks,

Just got off the phone with my parents who think I am absolutely insane to want to travel to the Middle East.

This is my question to you all: how do you reassure your parents when you are travelling to "unsafe" places?, ie. Africa, Latin America, Southeast Asia, Middle East, etc.

BUT

how to do it while being responsible. Responsible meaning: reassure your parents, so they won't worry as much and have a heart attack worrying about you. Not with a "I'll do whatever I want, and you'll just have to deal with it" kind of attitude.

I'm talking about easing their concerns, being considerate of their feelings... this is something I have not been able to do...

anyone have similar experiences?

hurr111 · 05-03-2007, 08:43 PM

I am in some what of a similar position. My parents are totally freaked out that I am quitting a very good job to travel Europe (Which isn't even dangerous). My mom was in tears last weekend because I wouldn't have medical insurance anymore.

I am trying to involve them as much as possible so that they can see what I am doing to insure my own safety. I took my mom with me to the local EMS store out here to show her some of the stuff I was buying and what it is for...Like a Money Belt and the TSA approved locks and such. Until I showed her the money belt she was convinced I needed a "Fanny Pack".

I also let them buy me phone cards that I will use specifically to call them. I agreed to call them once a week on Mondays.

I think just involving them as much as possible, so that they see you are truly prepared goes a long way...My parents tend to be pretty ignorant to current events, so what they here on the half hour local news is pretty much fact to them. It helps to show them a bit about the countries that you will be visiting other then just what is on the news.

Hope some of that helps...

**ajb3000** · 05-04-2007, 02:45 AM

I just explain exactly what I'm doing to my mum, give her a rough itinerary and say I'll e-mail at least once a week while I'm away. I always thought she was comfortable with my travels until I overheard her on the phone to one of her friends saying she hopes I don't get my Iranian visa! This was during the UK sailer crisis though and she didn't mention anything to me about her concerns.

Also, the other day I accidently let slip about that Canadian girl who has gone missing in Syria, so I have some serious comforting to do before I leave!

BadAssBen · 05-04-2007, 07:20 AM

Your parents will never stop worrying about you! Doesn't matter if you are in the room next to theirs or in a country that ends in "stan..." Best thing you can do is keep in touch. If you can - email them every 2-3 days so they know you are OK!

**Canadian Bacon** · 05-04-2007, 11:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ajb3000

Also, the other day I accidently let slip about that Canadian girl who has gone missing in Syria, so I have some serious comforting to do before I leave!

Yeah... I'm not gonna tell my parents about that. But I mean, (first, God hope she is okay) unfortunate things happen everywhere, including in big european cities. There's nothing that makes middle eastern cities different (well, cities in stabler countries)

lemlern · 05-04-2007, 02:32 PM

I didnt even know my mom was freaked I was going to Europe alone until I told her my boyfriend could get off work and come with me. Her response: "Oh thank you Jesus!!".

It helped though that I gave her my itinerary, phone numbers and dates I will be at each hostel, and got international service on my blackberry through t-mobile. Plus, I did not tell her about all the horror stories. I only told her good ones

. I am a pretty low key person anyways; never really drank or did drugs so my mom knows I am pretty responsible... i hope

**marc873** · 05-04-2007, 08:26 PM

I must just be lucky. My parents took me traveling from the time I was born. And now when I travel all they say is that they can't wait till I get back to see the pictures and the stories that go with. I haven't heard anything negative from them about traveling at all yet. Of course when I tell them that I am hitting the road for a couple of years, i'm sure the coments will change a little. But maybe not. They still travel a couple times a year now, so they seem to understand. or lets hope so

**TheJake** · 05-04-2007, 08:44 PM

i'm with you marc. My folks have always been supportive. I took my first overseas trip without them right before my 13th birthday and ever since they've known there is no stopping me.

**marc873** · 05-05-2007, 05:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheJake

i'm with you marc. My folks have always been supportive. I took my first overseas trip without them right before my 13th birthday and ever since they've known there is no stopping me.

Thats cool bro, I was only 12 and had already spent 3 weeks in Italy and been on 3 cruises. So technically, its our parents fault. Thank goodness

**Fedfe** · 05-05-2007, 07:00 AM

I feel pretty lucky too, my folks have always been pretty supportive of my travels, they just like to hear from me often enough just to check up and hear my voice even if we don't have a whole lot to say. But I think I'm a pretty prepared person, especially when it comes to traveling, i love planning the whole thing, and I tell them my route and most of the details i've figured out. They are always excited for me to go, but they went backpacking when they were young so they know what it's like... Like mentioned above, stay in touch with them, and keep them involved.

And when you're on the road, send them pictures of you, they love that!

**mushroom22** · 05-05-2007, 02:18 PM

It's a tough situation. My parents have always supported my travels, but still worry while I'm gone. They are parents, that's their job. I'm actually happy they worry a little-it shows they care

I think the best way to deal with it, is to drop them an email whenever you can. I make a point to say stuff like ‘I met these great people who I’ve been with for 4 days now!’ or ‘Greg, this great British boy I met helped me carry my bag up the 10 flights of stairs’ Or ‘Peter came up from the bar to help me get the cockroach out of my bed (true story)’. Things like that reinforce the fact that I’m with or around people who are looking out for me.

I think it eases their worries, but they are always happy when I call from the airport and tell them I’m off to a new place. For them it’s 1 down, X many more to go.

**buzzingtalk** · 05-05-2007, 02:30 PM

my mum who i live with in the UK is well supportive - she encourages me to go to different places and stuff. she wouldnt mind at all if i went to a 'dangerous' place - everywhere is dangerous, its a chance occurance that could happen anywhere so no point staying in about it!

my dad however who lives in malaysia has his reserves - when i went to bangkok he bitched about it for ages, he didnt stop me but he booked me into a really posh business hotel

weird.

im not sure what he will say about me going to vietnam and cambodia this summer. he won't be keen but i have travelled all over asia on my own and i think he knows i won't stop

**DC_Jessica** · 05-07-2007, 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by buzzingtalk

my dad however who lives in malaysia has his reserves - when i went to bangkok he bitched about it for ages, he didnt stop me but he booked me into a really posh business hotel

weird.

Dammit, I wish MY family worried like that!!!!!! Haha. I honestly lie to my parents. Not entire flat out lies, but I keep shit from them that they honestly don't need to know and then dazzle them with all of it when I am sitting with them, sipping wine, handing out exotic presents and easing their fears. Just on a case by case basis, my parents MUCH prefer that they know the worst *after* it's over.

**aliz** · 05-07-2007, 07:04 PM

^^ same with my mum. and before i leave i just agree to anything she says... "you won't go out at night, will you" "no mum".... "wear your bag on your front at all times" "ok mum".... i think she knows i won't do it but she likes to think i do. i love how when you go away from them, parents always think up really 'helpful' advice like 'don't lose your passport'... oh yeah cause I was planning to lose it but now that you've said that i better not...

**expatben** · 05-07-2007, 07:42 PM

Just try reassuring them but also show them how much research you're doing with guide books ect.
Another tactic on the same line is to say "look I know...is dangerous so I am avoiding it" that will tell them that you have thought this through and have taken their concerns on board-also you should try to avoid dangers anyways.

**tumblezweedz** · 05-08-2007, 12:26 AM

I like your idea, Ben - acknowledging that there are some potential dangers and that you're preparing for them as much as possible shows them that you're taking a mature approach, rather than just cluelessly and recklessy striking off with no notion of safety.

Admitting that there are risks, and showing that you're aware of them will settle your parents' fears more than pretending nothing could go wrong.

lemlern · 05-08-2007, 07:45 AM

‘Peter came up from the bar to help me get the cockroach out of my bed (true story)’.I have to say, I probably wouldn't want to tell my mom this one haha. She would overlook the kind man who helped me and would be like

"COCKROACH?!? WHAT KIND OF PLACES ARE YOU STAYING IN??"

**kiwichick** · 05-08-2007, 01:25 PM

LMAO my mum would be saying "so wait u took some guy called peter up to your room eh?..continue.."

**omisan** · 05-08-2007, 01:48 PM

Valium. Lots and lots of valium. (For both parties involved.)

**Canadian Bacon** · 05-08-2007, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DC_Jessica

Dammit, I wish MY family worried like that!!!!!! Haha. I honestly lie to my parents. Not entire flat out lies, but I keep shit from them that they honestly don't need to know and then dazzle them with all of it when I am sitting with them, sipping wine, handing out exotic presents and easing their fears. Just on a case by case basis, my parents MUCH prefer that they know the worst *after* it's over.

Haha.... maybe I can say, oh yeah I'm giong to greece. And by the way, I also went to Turkey, Syria and ran with the bulls.

But yeah, I think I'm managing to convince my Dad that Syria is a relatively safe place... so progress is being made...