T-Punk Fan Fiction - Page 2 - TravelPUNK Backpacker College Student Budget Travel Message Boards!

**agriadam** · 02-01-2006, 08:42 PM

What a crazy day... it all started with a little excitement at the office and now I am in a very cushy flight to Romania. 1:30 am and I can't even tell you where it is that time but I do know that I've been on this flight for quite awhile. voyd and Omid are in the back fighting about god only knows, with Jason AKA Susan drifting to sleep just in front of the two. Julia has been asleep for quite some time. We’ve got a drifter and an unemployed guy talking about politics up in the front. The bum all cleaned up looks pretty decent, and the one called scarlotte is quite keen on him and I just finished a long debate with our "tour guide" for lack of better terms, on the most over rated Quarterback in the league I believe that I finally have him convinced that Tom Brady is the clear winner of that title. Well I believe that it is finally time for sleep wonder what the sunrise will bring??? More so I wonder what the kitchen pirate prepares for breakfast????

**Joker** · 02-01-2006, 10:59 PM

There are few things in the world I hate doing. One is taking a Costa Rican bus while hungover. The other is taking a flight while in the same state of sobriety.

Fortunately the Gulfstream has a full bar stocked with all sorts of goodies. I pour myself a Goslings on the rocks, and try to think happy thoughts. Unfortunately, those guys Omid and Voyd are argueing over which girl from "The Facts of Life" was hotter. Jeebus, we all know that the blond was hottest. But Tootie gets an honorable mention for the braces.

Anyway, I was on my third drink before the wheels of the plane left the ground. Making eyes with the stewardess somewhere over Long Island Sound, and hoping that we'd have some boat drinks upon arrival. Shit. We're headed to Romania?? There's no beach there!

Somewhere over the UK, i think, the one wearing the Colts shirt (should I tell him I'm from Baltimore and the Indianapolis Colts represent all that is evil with the world? About the Golden Arm, Johnny U? About Artie Donovan and Stan the Man? Nah, I'll save it. Too early in the journey to start that. But when I get a chance...) asks me what we're eating for breakfast. I spent enough years slinging hash for brunches to know better.

Scrambled Eggs and hash browns okay with you guys?

The bum we picked up perks up. I guess its been a while since he's eaten anything. No matter, I don't much care. All I'm thinking about is the rum on the rocks in my hand, and the very friendly stewardess that keeps refilling it. Wish I'd brought a guitar. Maybe this Godfather guy will have one I can borrow for the audition.

Guys!! Wait, if we need to audition as a group, what the hell are we gonna do???

The annoying Colts fan mumbles something about singing a song...

**kingcrazylegs** · 02-02-2006, 12:38 AM

It feels really good to clean and to be wearing clean clothes again. I can't remember the last time I had a "real" conversation. Julia and Scarlotte were the only two who really talked to me in the car, besides a couple of unitelligable druken comments by of couple of the guys. Seems like the basic gist is that we are going somewhere for something to meet some guy. Sounds like the story of my life.

I got cleaned up at the airport in a rush, but it seems to have done the trick. The rest of the guys seem to be taking to me now. This guy Ben has come over and started talking to me and Scarlotte and seems like an interesting guy. He's been drifting for awhile. He says its because of a secret he has, something he has done. "I've got a secret of sorts myself", I tell them, "I'm not your typical homeless guy. I went out on the street months ago as an experiment; kind of just to see what it was like. I told myself I would stick with it until something good came along, and so here I am." I am not sure if either of them believe me, but its the truth.

After a couple of seconds Ben finally says, "Well if we are spilling the beans, then...well I guess I'll tell ya. I was working as a barman for a corperate chain of bars, and I hated it, I hated my life. At one point I just couldn't take it anymore...I got really drunk one night and quit...that afternoon I dressed up like a clown......man I was so drunk....and, like I said, I dressed up like a clown and I went out to this park and went streaking....and man..., there were kids and moms....it was bad....streaking....dressed as a clown.....I just had to leave."

**expatben** · 02-02-2006, 04:08 AM

I told them the whole story, how I went mad, dressed as a clown, streaked, insisted they call me "Bobo" and how at night I could still here the screams of "no Bobo put some clothes on."
It felt good to let it all out, really good. I really liked this guy, this "bum." I dunno if other people believed him, but I did. I saw in him a true friend. We talked and talked and I heard all of the others stories as they heard mine. Before I knew it we were half way to Transylvannia, the Godfather and our destiny

**Tadpole** · 02-02-2006, 09:17 AM

After the limo ran over the random Bush pilot, i adopted his monkey. The monkey follows me everywhere now. So far on the plane trip he has more drinks than I have had.

**voyd** · 02-02-2006, 10:19 AM

"No, Omi, Jo was NOT 'obviously a lesbian!' YES, she was an adorable tomboy, but NO she didn't have short-short hair or wear comfortable shoes. So, END OF STORY my friend!" I vehemently rebutted, slamming my fist down onto my food tray and catapulting a cold shower of ice cubes and OJ up a few rows...

Followed 2 seconds later by a few loud shrieks..."AAHHHH!!!" "What the..?" and "Aheeeemmm...EXCUSE YOU!" "Susan," Scarlotte and the bum poked their heads up and looked angrily back towards the rear of the aircraft...as I quietly slunk back down my seat.

"Uh, looks like we're going through a bit of hail..and uh, acid rain, folks, but nothing to worry about!" I announced in my best speakerphone voice - and tossing one more ice cube up front for total comedic overkill (with my good arm).

Truth be told, I think we all needed a bit of comic relief. Just a few hours earlier this afternoon, I was steadily working away in my corporate hive, responsibly planning for my American Dream™ future. Now all of a sudden, here I am sitting on a plane with a random ragtag group of drifters...bound for...TRANSYLVANIA??? Uh, isn't that where blood-sucking vampires live and shyt? On some supposed "reality show" goose chase? W-T-F am I really doing here? Will I make it back..better? Will I make it back alive?

I looked out the window. Only a thin sliver of the moon ever appeared between rapidly shape-shifting Rorschach clouds. Like moths to a flame, we were all drawn to these tiny, but bright, glimmers of hope..shrouded by mystery. It's funny how we can risk everything we have...just for the vague chance at something "better?"

Hmm, was there a draft, or were my feet getting cold in here? I slipped my shoes back on, took a deep breath and closed my eyes, quickly fading back to black...

jakethepunk · 02-02-2006, 02:35 PM

The day had started harmlessly enough. I had woken up, showered, brushed my pearly whites and skipped to my lou out the door. Life was PERFECT. A great girl, awesome job and on my way to close on my fifth real estate invesment. Life was indeed going well. I heard the all too familiar hum of some random airplane clogging up the atomsphere and thats about when the strange whistling noise started. I stopped my car and climbed out to see what in the hell was making that annoying sound. If I didn't know any better it sounded an awful lot like a bomb...
That's when things turned shitty. Literally. Apparently the plane I heard was an older model leerjet that still dropped it's "toiletries" in a nice frozen clump.
Well so much for that car! The frozen mass of crap is emitting a strong smell of liqour... oh well guess i'm walking today.... damn rich travelers and their private jets....

**agriadam** · 02-02-2006, 03:09 PM

As the Plane touched down on the runway in Aeroportul International Arad(ARW) we all had pretty different expressions on our faces... some of relief some of misbelieve some were scared others happy and excited.. Myself I was incredibly mixed feelings...."what did I get myself into?"

Our tour guide comes to us and says "okay group here it is" He was holding a piece of paper and Julia quickly snags and yelps "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS???!?!?!!"

"Watch your tongue young lady" the bum says.

The Pirate intercepts the piece of paper and determines that it is a map written in another language

"Let me see that" I say Being fluent in this language I read it aloud

"Youay ustmay ownay ogay otay ethay anbray astlecay, erethay youay illway indfay youray irstfay issionmay. pSay youay aymay antway otay ingbray ayay eaponway ofyay ortsay" It means

"You must now go to the bran castle, there you will find your first mission.

PS you may want to bring a weapon of sort"

"Well let's get started no time to delay." the bum says

Omid makes a realization "our tour guide is gone"

Voyd say "and I had questions to ask him"

"Maybe he'll be at the castle" Ben states

"Well let's get started" the bossy girl says

**ChasinJason1313** · 02-02-2006, 03:29 PM

My ass felt like I sat on a stove and I don't know why they keep calling me Susan but they'll all be impressed when they notice that I have garlic running in my blood and false right leg just happens to be stake-ish and made of wood(hey I was in Appalachains and short on cash, I'm lucky I'm still an ass-vigin.)

I can't imagine what kind of reality show takes place in Romania, I just hope it involves naked Eastern European ladies!

**voyd** · 02-02-2006, 03:54 PM

"A WEAPON of sort???" W-T-Ixnay isthay itshay! Um, yeaa...TAXI??!!!! I shouted out aimlessly, as my voice trailed off into the dark distance...

"SHHHH!!! Quiet, maybe we don't want them to hear us!" Adam said cautiously with a slight hint of paranoia.

"Uh...who's "them?" Julia wondered aloud.

"I....don't know." Adam replied hesitatingly, looking away quickly.

"Ok, ya know guys...maybe we should get back on the plane NOW and call this whole thing off? Cut our losses while we can? Plan B, anyone?" I offered.

"Not a horrible idea V, but I think it's just a little late for that now." Tadpole dryly observed, as he pointd to our jet taxiing back down the runway ready for take-off... "Looks like were back to Plan A."

**omisan** · 02-02-2006, 04:10 PM

A limo ride, tons of booze, and a flight on a private jet, yet none of us made the Mile-High Club. I guess this reality show isn't called Big Pimpin. No matter! My spirits were high, knowing we'd just hooked ourselves up with a flight to Europe, gratis.

"That's one more stamp in my passport..." I thought to myself. "Wait a minute!"

"Hey guys!" I exclaimed. "That Gulfstream just dropped our asses off at an airstrip with no terminal."

A whole chorus erupted: "So?"

"Soooo... we're, umm, we're here kinda illegally. Who's got their passport?"

**agriadam** · 02-02-2006, 04:33 PM

Dammit I guess we really didn't think this one through.... We should have went and grabed our documents from our respective houses.... Well whats the plan????

Just then Tadpole speaks up "um what's this??"

"Where did you get that" asked Him regarding the package he is holding

"the tour guide gave it to us just before he left"

"Well open" Julie squealed

as Tadpole began opening the package we all crowded together. inside we found 10 little blue books with the US seal on them....

"What?!!?!?!!?" I utter

Voyd says "It's our passports"

"Well no shit! but how did they get here"

"that dosn't matter" SD claims "what matters is that we have them"

the group begins to be a little more relived just then...

"Wait guys" Ben yells back " theirs something else in here

"What is it" adam inquires

"its 200 Leu"

"Well how much money is that???"

**Tadpole** · 02-02-2006, 04:52 PM

Things are starting to get weird. After randomly meeting running into each other, we happen accross all of our passports half way across the world. I couldnt find my passport if I tried, how did it end here?

200 leu? How much is that nad what the hell are we suppose to buy or DO?

About that time The Bum noticed my newly adopted monkey was caring something. He had stolen something off the plane...

**kingcrazylegs** · 02-02-2006, 05:28 PM

The fact that my passport was in the box surprised me a bit. I had left it in a safety deposit box before hitting the streets. Whoever had planned this had planned well. What is even more surprising is that the pet monkey is sitting on his owner's sholder and holding a pistol directly at Susan's head. I want to say something to the poor chap but my lips won't move, so I motion with my eyes. Susan turns his head towards the monkey and is now staring into the barrel of the gun. Damn, I've only made things worse for this guy.

"Click", the monkey has pulled the trigger and my throat is in my stomach, but Susan is not dead (but it seems he's wet himself)! A little white flag has popped out of the gun and it has writing on it. I grab the gun from the monkey. Susan passes out. Everyone looks at Susan lying on the ground for a second and then they look at me. I read the flag out loud:

"216 East Vilnus St.
Doce millas de norte.
Sie haben eine Stunde."

**agriadam** · 02-02-2006, 05:51 PM

well I can't make out the first part of the letter but I can see that in german we have 1 hour to get there. Can anyone make out teh rest of it..... cause accoriding to my watch we have 59 minutes left.

**juliagulia** · 02-02-2006, 07:34 PM

216 East Vilnus St.
Doce millas de norte.

I explained to the group that this was simple romanian that any idiot would know.

"Look guys, we just find the church of St. Vilnus which will be 216 kilometers east. And Adam's right. The next part's german, so we only have... 58 minutes to go 216 kilometers."

Suddenly, our tour guide returned... With a taxi van.

"Ebreebodee een!!"

Why he had this insane new accent I did not know, but it sounded mighty cool...

**Joker** · 02-02-2006, 11:58 PM

Thompson once said, "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." Time to turn pro... before the weasels close in.

Look here now ladies and gentlemen, and Susan- what we have here is an insurmountable distance to go within the given time constraints. This here transmigrational people mover isn't going to get us 216 klicks in less than an hour.

Susan looks at me from the puddle under his shoes with what we are all realizing is his usual dumbfounded look. I'm going have to be a pro and translate it into Common English...

Look, we ain't gonna get that fucking far in that fucking time. Dig?

I think Susan got it.

What we need here, folks, is a rapid method of transportation. Unfortunately, I haven't yet figured out how to teleport. But, this is an airport... perhaps there's a chopper we can take?

As though some cruel twist of fate, the sound of a chopper filled the air. This was getting weird. But not yet weird enough for me. For some reason, Wagner's "Flight of the Valkyries" and the sound of howitzers being fired into the ocean to make surf surged through my alcohol-pickled gray matter. Only the quickest thinking would get us through this alive.

We also could use a few young blonde lesbians...?

Scarlotte smacked me and Julia looked away in disgust, muttering something about chauvinism. Hey, it could have happened! The chopper and all...

Wait a minute... doce millus-- thats not 216KM!!! Its 12 miles! Still, I like the idea of the whirligig. What does the tribe say?

Mumbling, they all seem to be arguing over the two different modes of transportation. Susan, true to form, wets himself again. Must be some sort of defense mechanism. I must remember to get that boy a garbage bag to sit on...

**voyd** · 02-03-2006, 07:08 AM

As the rotors slowly came to a halt, the doors popped open and 4 smooth spidery legs gingerly extended out to the ground, staking it with long, spiked heels. As the pilot and copilot deboarded, they adjusted their tight microskirts and removed their helmets, tossing their long blonde manes to the wind...and releasing a faintly-detectable waft of Herbal Essence™.

Joker appeared hypnotized like a zombie, as a wet puddle of drool soon formed between his legs.

"Soo...who is coming visth us?" the leggy pilot said in some vague Eastern-European acccent.

Joker was already inside the chopper by this point, as the other 8 fellas eagerly jockeyed for position...and Scarlotte and Julia both commenced a heavy set of synchronized eyeroll-bics in unison.

"Um...vee can only fieet 6! the statuesqe copilot quickly added..

"But vee can fit 6 too!" boomed the large, burly, tooth-missing driver of the taxi van!

"Perfect," I said sarcastically. "Well folks, looks like we're gonna have to split-up here."

We all stopped and looked at each other, the supermodel pilots and the hairy taxi driver...

"Gee, TOUGH call!" Omi quipped.

"With 50 minutes and counting..." "Susan" noted, as the wet spot expanded even further down his leg...

"Well, I guess I'd be willing to sacrifice my spot in the van, if anybody wants it..." Tadpole generously offered.

"We'll take it!" Scarlotte & Julia both quickly snapped back.

"And count me in too, then.." said the bum, saddling up near Scarlotte...

**expatben** · 02-03-2006, 08:15 AM

So the rest of us got into the chopper in a civilized manner-except for the pushing, shobing and the "get out of my ways" and "I was here firsts"
It all seemed great, good company hot stewardesses but I couldn't help but wonder...
How did our passports turn up and when did I become American?
Where is the God Father? At the adress? Is that where we're going?
Whats the Romanian translation of "How you doin' ?"

**voyd** · 02-03-2006, 08:27 AM

"The rest of us" meaning Ben, Tadpole, Omi, "Susan," and Jake.

Cuz as soon as the last one of them piled into the chopper, the doors shut fast with full capacity inside.

"Okkk, then...I guess that leaves us leftovers with Quasimodo in the van! Wuhu." I conceded to Adam and Livefree.

As we straggled into the van and slid shut our door, we watched the chopper power up, whipping up a small dust storm around us all. Fittingly, things surely seemed cloudier than ever now.

Until our mysterious tour guide turned around and kindly informed us, "Congratulations! Now that you've all just chosen your teams...MAY THE GAMES BEGIN!"

"W-T-..."