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Old 11-13-2007, 10:10 AM   #1
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Default where would you send a deliquent 18 year old?

ok. hypothetical situation....obviously..


say theres a kid about to turn 18, never left the country (nz) lives in bumsfucksville nowhere, dropped out of school at 15, has no full time job, spends all day drinking beer, riding bmx and smoking pot.hes grown up in household without a father figure, a mother who is alcohole depandant, and having to sorta look after her two younger kids for the past 5-6 years. he is sorta ADD type, really agressive, and not the smartest kid....i dunno how he would go travelling on his own tbh.hes a caring sorta kid-would cry when he seen an animal hurt, or a kid crying, but has an exterior like armour-im guessing for show. growing up in a ghetto cant be too easy.he has no dreams, no motivation, no job, no future, if he stays there....

its hard to fly with the eagles when your surrounded by turkeys right?

so here the thing, i promised him, if he kept on the staight and narrow (last march) for a year, id pay for him to go to the UK and see his uncle ,someone he totally adores and worships.... just realised time is drawing near. he hasnt kept his end of the bargin, and while it would be easy to go 'ahh fuck it mate' i wanna prove to him theres a world beyond what he believes. i wanna show him someone in his crappy life believes in him...

so i have 5 grand to give him for his 18th. ive looked into a few things and my options are:

1: http://www.i-to-i.com/volunteer-proj...th-africa.html a two week summer camp style trip to south africa. they learn bits and pieces of conservation, and orphans, they learn a few team building things too i imagine.

2: another i-i programme for 2 weeks in borneo or malaysia(its int he brochure, but cant seem to find it online) its a jungle martial arts camp. they learn self development skills and team building stuff.

3. literally send him to the uk. maybe set him up with a contiki tour? still unsure of this atm. his uncle has *just* had a baby, and i dont want to burdon him with the idea of having an 18 year old kid coming to stay with him and he has to be put in a position of sorting out his shit. ya know? way unfair.

4: i maybe backpack with him, thru south easy asia- thailand, singapore, vietnam, laos etc. not something i really want to do right now tbh, but if it sorts him out and teaches him a few things, id be willing to give up my japan trip for him.

so. what would you do??

im so stuck. i know his mum (oops, and mine) will be pissed off, she wont be happy with any situation, and im pretty sure the rest of my family will be supportive of the decisions...i want this kid to see life isnt as shit as he has seen it be. maybe something that will kick him in the arse a bit too. motivate him?

i think it would be great for him to see how the third world really is in some aspects, and it would be good to see him learn some sort of development skills...i think hes a bit shy, but boisterious and moody once he gets comfortable. while the two week things sound good, i dont know if they will be long enough away form his shit life for him to really learn from?

ive looked into the kokoda track too, i remember seeing somehting ages ago about youth who were going down the path of crime (like my bro) doing the track, and gaining a shit load from it. i cant seem to find any info on sign ups tho

ANY insight to this sort of situation would be greatly appreciated!!
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Last edited by mermaidnz; 11-13-2007 at 10:13 AM.
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Old 11-13-2007, 10:31 AM   #2
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I am having visions of those old Montel episodes where they have some fake ass Drill Sergeant yell at these kids who are up to no good and sends them to boot camp and they are back on the show a year later, apologizing to their mama for being such a shithead.

To be quite honest, I think of the things you were considering, I think backpacking with him may be the best thing for him. SE Asia I think is a great idea. Especially getting out to some of the rural areas and see the scenery and just kicking it. It's a good chance to have a sit down with him and see where he's comiong from and perhaps give him some guidance.

I think a trip on his own to Europe anywhere really might be a bad distraction. All the nightlife and whatever else may prove to be counter productive.

Best of luck, let us know how it works out!

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Old 11-13-2007, 10:36 AM   #3
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i-to-i's good, but expensive. I think if you want to do something that will really open his eyes to the world it should be something for a longer period of time.

GVI's got some great programs with kids for longer periods of time and slightly more reasonable prices.

Ask him what he's most interested in doing. I think volunteering is def the way to go, but it could be conservation related, helping out with communties teaching english, etc. Get him a program he'll have to stick to once he's there though, so he can't just ditch out and leave if things get tough...good luck!
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Old 11-13-2007, 10:36 AM   #4
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haha cheers for the input

both the first two options are run by i-i, a massive voluenteering organisation, im pretty sure it wont be a drill type senario! lol its not literally boot camp. in both instances its ment to be a group leadership camp, learning your own limits, and in the marial arts camp, a confidance builing type thing.

i havr to admit, i was a little worried it would all be alittle *too* strict for him too. i think hes a bit of a free spirit like me at times too- does what he wants when he wants

since hes never travelled beofore,would it be best to go with him? i know for sure he has no firends interested in going anywhere... i just worry, maybe by himself...i dunno. hes not the smartest kid, and hes pretty vunerable and too honest and caring. hed easily get taken for a ride.
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Old 11-13-2007, 10:39 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by simply_angelic View Post

Ask him what he's most interested in doing.
yeah, i was hoping to come up with a solid two or three options for him to pick from himself. obviously i wont be saying 'your gonna do this" lol, but if i can narrow it down a bit for him, to things that might push him in the right direction...i dunno...im hoping this makes or breaks him. hes getting to the age of no return.ya know?
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Old 11-13-2007, 10:56 AM   #6
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Fair play to ya Mermaid there's not many people that would go that far for anyone. I think volunteering would be great for him, he'd get to work hard, see results and helping other people should give him a feeling of self worth.

I was looking at doing one of those gvi course helping monkeys in Africa, I know how he might feel being stuck in a small go nowhere town, I'd do just about anything to get out here.
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Old 11-13-2007, 01:18 PM   #7
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Maybe the uncle thing isn't really an option right now, but spending time in a more normal family environment sounds like it would be the most helpful. I don't think Contiki-type party tour would do much good, if that's the kind of scene he's already used to (minus the cool surroundings).

Some kind of volunteer trip could be really good, if he's up for it. I got to spend a couple of weeks working in Mexico back in high school, and that short trip had a huge impact on me. Anything that forces you to focus on something other than yourself, and see how much you take for granted, really helps to change your perspective.
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Old 11-13-2007, 01:44 PM   #8
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I think it would be great to send him to a good group leadership program. I have been working on raising money for a Deaf/HoH leadership program. There are so many young Deaf/HoH kids who have had crappy lives who end up like the young man you are describing but are good inside. All they need is good role models, motivation, focus, and to meet others like them. I would pick a program that has leadership as it's focus.
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Old 11-13-2007, 01:53 PM   #9
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Hey mermaidnz,

I wouldn't give him the 5Gs lump sum... that's just asking for a huge purchase.... especially if he's in UK, and a weekend away in Amsterdam.

I'd say send him backpacking on his own, or to UK to live with his uncle.. and slowly give the cheddar away in bite sized chunks... so show that you believe in him, but you're no sucka.

I would say where ever he goes, he's gotta do something contructive and not just piss all the time away....

Just my random thoughts... good luck with it
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Old 11-13-2007, 02:28 PM   #10
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I'd go to SE Asia with him. But that's just me.
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Old 11-13-2007, 03:46 PM   #11
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I agree that volunteering or spending time with family would be a much more productive environment than partying. As anyone here can tell you, there's nothing like traveling to turn your life around... and especially when you have to work for it a little bit.

Whatever trip happens, it's completely wonderful that you're doing this for him!!!
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Old 11-13-2007, 04:02 PM   #12
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I think that the i-i program in malaysia sounds the most like something an 18 year old guy would want to do - it sounds like ninja training! (sorry, my male flatmates are all obsessed with being ninjas)... malaysia is probably a cheaper option for you too
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Old 11-13-2007, 04:30 PM   #13
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thanks so much for all your responses!!

giving him $5k was never an option, thats just my ball park figure on a budget for what i can do for him.

lol, and the malaysia one really does sound like ninja school! damnit, i wish i could find the info online.

hmmm, k, ill take everyones comments on board, and speak to my grandparents and see what they think most appreciated guys!!!
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Old 11-13-2007, 07:07 PM   #14
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It's pretty cool that you want to do this for him! You mentioned he's really caring so maybe one of the volunteer type things would be a good way to open his eyes to the state of the rest of the world. So I like your first option although 2 weeks isn't too long (though if it's his first trip maybe thats actually a good length).

The ninja school would be cool too though
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Old 11-13-2007, 11:17 PM   #15
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wow.

just got blown away by my lil bro. just rung him to let him know what i wanted to do for his birthday present....he stopped me halfway thru the first one and said' rach, the only thing i want to do for my birthday,is see you. i miss you so much, i havent seen you in years, i cant even remember what you look like"


awwww

so after all that, he is happiest just coming to stay at my house :D

not only that, but he has sorted his shit out big time, im guessing mum lied a few months back when she said he was still off the rails and unemployed....i reckon he did take what i said on boad last year about the trip to the uk.

im just shocked, blown away.... he has an average job, spraying weeds, butits full time, and hes sticking to it. hed been working the past 12 months for a building company, and was so proud to tell me he went back cos id said to him he should stick it out.

god, my lil bro has turned into gold!!!

i dont think he *needs* to be sent on camp at all!!!
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Old 11-14-2007, 07:22 AM   #16
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Sounds great!
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Old 11-14-2007, 07:27 AM   #17
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That's awesome! So good to hear! Now he might not *need* to be sent out to camp, but a little traveling still might be good for him
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Old 11-14-2007, 08:58 AM   #18
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That is awesome!
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Old 11-15-2007, 08:02 AM   #19
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That's great! Sounds like his big sis has turned out pretty good, too...

I'd still hold out the idea of taking him backpacking if he can scrape a couple weeks vacation together. We all know how travel can open your eyes.

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Old 11-15-2007, 08:12 AM   #20
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seems like hes a pretty lucky guy to have a big sister like you. But yeah traveling does anyones life good and certainly changes a person so maybe a little bit of travel down the line (maybe even together) could be good.
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