I AM NOT A (REAL) CHEF - TravelPUNK Backpacker College Student Budget Travel Message Boards!

**space virgin** · 06-26-2006, 12:01 AM

I'm going to go get a massage tomorrow (Monday). Let me explain why.

Saturday I did a favor for my old boss... he had asked me a couple of months ago to "help out", please note the quotation marks, with cooking for his 25th Anniversary celebration. He and his wife were going to renew their vows

and he desperately needed help. Okay, no problem, awesome, glad to help. Well, turns out it's not just a few platters on a buffet like last time... oh no. It's a freaking six-course French dinner for 30 with three passed hors d'oeuvres.

My job was to set everything up-- table, bar, et al-- AND cook. Luckily one other person was there to help and she did a lot of the prep but it was mostly me cooking and staging everything.

Le Table (I'm particularly proud of this and if I'd had my way there would have been MORE silver at each place setting, thankyouverymuch):

Le Menu:

-The hors were caviar on cucumbers, herbed mushroom roulades, gruyere puffs (two words for those: NEVER AGAIN); the first starter course was Foie Gras with weird little pickles and some olives (

); then Scampi Alla Livornese (

); then wild greens salad with pear, raspberries, Port Salut cheese and vanilla-blood orange vinaigrette dressing-- my own creation and please let me just say again:

; then an intermezzo of herbed mushroom soup (served in maddening little demitasse cups); rack of lamb served with a wedge of potatoes dauphinoise and a weird but yummy tomato thing; and last but not least, fancy chocolate cake dressed up with whipped cream and strawberries. Oh, did I mention that we had to SERVE everything too? And pour wine? Of which there were four selections?? And how difficult it is to successfully cook racks of lamb to feed 30 people in a home kitchen AND keep it hot??

This was the salad. It was prettier in person, trust me.

Let me reiterate: I AM NOT A CHEF!!!

But somehow this all came together just fine. Rave reviews about the food (huge sigh of relief).

And that was just Saturday...

today (Sunday) involved severe allergy attacks, shoveling horse shit in my bra (long story), frantically altering a belly dance costume to be worn this evening at a show I was featured in, really hot weather, a sneaky little shithead pony that got loose and led me on a merry chase 1/2 mile down a dirt road-- still sans shirt, mind you (that was fun, NOT); and speeding like a bat out of hell to a hot-as-hades restaurant where I danced to some of my LEAST favorite music ever. Not my best effort, but it was still fun.

That massage is sounding mighty nice right about now.

**TheJake** · 06-26-2006, 12:04 AM

that table is gorgeous babe... very nice!

**florencia9699** · 06-26-2006, 12:13 AM

Wow SV that table looks beautiful!!! Even though it's stressful, dont ya just love your job?? My boss always forgets I'm his secretary... sometimes i'm his computer tech, others i'm his wife's personal assistant, others i'm just a teen, sometimes i'm a call center, quite often I'm the head of cereminial, twice a year i'm the mail man, and some evenings i'm not only the metre... but also the receptionist and the chef...

Oh well.. I like my job most of the time!

Anyways, I think you did a fantastic job!!

**omisan** · 06-26-2006, 12:44 AM

Nice work.

So, you gonna do all the cooking for the campout?

**space virgin** · 06-26-2006, 01:08 AM

^ Funny you should mention that...

**lauren313** · 06-26-2006, 09:05 AM

You did such a good job, well done, it all looks absolutely fantastic, you should feel really proud of yourself!

That massage is well-deserved!

**SuDz** · 06-26-2006, 10:33 AM

Looksa awesome...

SuDZ

**beergal** · 06-26-2006, 12:08 PM

Well i know who to call if and whenever i need a wedding planner...table looks amazing and that salad looks divine

**benna2** · 06-26-2006, 07:55 PM

Wow girl, good job. Just wanted to let you know that when I get married...I will surely hire you to do your thing! Just don't hold your breath on me actually GETTING married anytime soon!!

Glad you are doing so well at work!

**freespiritz** · 06-26-2006, 09:29 PM

That looks fantabulous! :D

You're going to have to add me to the list of future tpunk orders.

**space virgin** · 06-27-2006, 12:56 AM

Yeah, um, thanks guys... but I'm not sure I want to go through that ordeal again

considering my full-time job is pretty similar already (minus the whole cooking thing, that is).

Funny that no one seems to have read the bottom paragraph yet though as that was really the source of irritation/inspiration for this thread.

**LostFarmboy** · 06-27-2006, 01:02 AM

Holy crap, that looks bloody awsome, i've never seen a dinner setting so awsome. I've grown up on steak and veggies so i have no idea what all that silverware is for or what half the food you were talking about is. The best i can do is a second rate stir fry, how do you know how to cook all that stuff?? You should be getting free massages for life!! Your old boss owes you so big, don't ever let him forget that....ever.

**LiveFreeorDie** · 06-27-2006, 09:14 AM

Very nice table!! I am still waiting to hear more about the horse shit in the bra story though.....am I the only one??

**omisan** · 06-27-2006, 09:48 AM

I'm sure you'll have a rash of volunteers to give you a massage. (Happy ending optional.)

**Sijuki** · 06-27-2006, 01:46 PM

So.... do you take reservations? When's the earliest you can be booked?

**expatben** · 06-27-2006, 02:13 PM

It all looks so good, enjoy the well deserve massage

**LiveFreeorDie** · 06-28-2006, 09:18 AM

BTW....for such a fancy shindig...did you manage to make sure your shoes matched??

**Esterina** · 06-28-2006, 11:03 AM

^^^

Jeanie, the table and the food look fantastic ! Great menu, did you elaborate it yourself ?

How did the massage go ? How was ze masseur ?

**space virgin** · 06-28-2006, 12:02 PM

Yes, my shoes matched.

Yes, the massage was awesome. She was a hairy middle-aged hippie, y'all.

No, I didn't create the menu, Marvin's wife did. I just had to figure out how to make all the stuff she wanted.

The story about shoveling horse shit in my bra went like this: some of the hay caused me to have a nasty allergy attack... hives on my arms, sneezing fits, itchy eyes, etc. So I took off my shirt, ran it under the hose and tried to clean all of the hay debris off of myself.

But it was so bloody hot that I just decided to leave it off-- no one could see me, the nearest neighbors were hundreds of yards away through some trees and even if they did at that point I really didn't care. Unfortunately, about an hour later, the sneaky pony got loose and decided to go on a jaunt down the road. I had to go get him and there was no time to run over to the car where I'd stashed my shirt.

Oh well. I caught the little fucker but it ended up making me really late for the dance gig I was scheduled at.