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Old 06-15-2006, 05:24 PM   #1
dug
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Bah, I'm gonna go ahead and vent a little, and if any of you could give me advice, or comfort me I'd really appreciate it.


My friend is getting married at the end of July, so I was going to stick around for the wedding, then go on a 1.5 month backpack trip through Europe. It would put me into September, and so I would have to defer from college for a semester. (I would go earlier, and get back in time for college but I think my friend would be very hurt if I didn't get to his wedding)... So I'm considering shortening the trip to like 3-4 weeks, and making it back in time for school (deffering from school was kinda a bonus of the trip.)



Okay, well I've been planning this for a couple months now, and I broke the news to my dad about 2 weeks ago. He told me it sounded like fun, but now was not the time in my life to do it/ it's too dangerous to travel by yourself. "Wait until you graduate, and go afterwards." I think he thinks I'll lose interest and won't go if he can get me to wait till I graduate (several years away). He made it clear that he didn't think it was a good idea, but conceded that he cannot stop me from going.

Well, today I broke the news to him that I intend to buy my airline ticket this week, and he was VERY surprised, and angry. He went off on how dangerous Europe is, and he doesn't want me traveling alone, "I DONT WANT YOU TO GO!" He told me that he has been to Europe before and would never go back... I said, "well that's becasue the way you traveled was too expensive + plus the group you were with was annoying... I'll have neither of those problems" (I've told my dad hundreds of kids backpack Europe, I won't really be alone, I'll meet new people + Europe isn't a warzone... gall, he is so conservative it's crazy) My dad told me he would rather I joined the military and went to Iraq than go to Europe by myself


But I have to admit, this trip is a little out of character for me (I'm not one to go on big adventures like this) Unfortunately my dad's lack of support (I could never hope to convince my mom) has got me thinking. "Maybe I shouldn't go." I've got no problem being on my own, and I've read up a ton about backpackers going through Europe, but I am SO scared. I really have no clue what to expect. I have these wonderful fantasies of how cool it's going to be, but I also try to think about it realistically... a foreign land, no friends, no clue where anything is. Things could get bad quick, I suppose.

But I so want to do this, lol. The roller coaster ride I have been doing for the past couple months has got to stop. One minute I'm so excited about the trip I want to leave that very minute, the next minute, well, I'll be thinking about post-poning it indeffinately.


Cliff Notes:

1. Timing of my trip would make have to defer from school for a semester, or shorten it considerabely.

2. My parents complete lack of support is a little discouraging (I haven't really told anyone else I'm even going on this trip... I'm waiting until it's a little closer)

3. I'm nervous/scared because I have no clue what to expect, and I'm not sure I'll be able to find everything I need to find in order to survive. I don't want to get stranded, or hurt in some totally random place.


please advise (sorry about the long whiny story, but thanks for looking :P)
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Old 06-15-2006, 05:59 PM   #2
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I'm in almost the exact situation as you. I could have written your post.

Here are my thoughts..

School - it will always be there. Now is the time, before your career and family. If you're geting loans for school you'll have the extra responsibility of that debt if you wait until after school.

Parents - I think our parents say these things because they care about us but that doesn't mean they are always right. I'm working hard for and paying for the trip myself so really I feel the right to say "I know you care about me and don't want me to ever be hurt but I don't care. I'm going anyway."

Nerves - Sometimes I feel like that to. You said yourself that you've done the research. 99.99999% of people who backpack Europe come home alive. As for finding things that you need to survive - Europeans are humans too so they need the same things as us North Americans to survive thus it shouldn't be hard to locate these things. Does that make sense?

I think you should ask yourself "Do I want to go?" and if yes then GOOO!

Hope I was some help.
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Old 06-15-2006, 06:45 PM   #3
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Oh my, I don't think you have to worry about people on here not understanding your situation!

I really wanted to go to Europe this summer and I was fully prepared to go by myself. I've never really done anything like that before (i.e. alone) but I'm due for an adventure. My parents were like NOOOOOO. You are NOT going. SO over the months I kept telling myself- "I'm 23, I can do what I want, they can say that I can't go, but in reality nothing's stopping me". But it still seemed like they COULD prevent me from going. Well, I feel for you, because as much as people say to you, Just GO, it's hard when you have a close/good/strict relationship with your parents. Because for some weird reason, it seems like you have to listen to them!

Mine ended up working out because my sister is coming along now too, and my parents are going to lend her money. But next I kind of want to volunteer somewhere, and I'm scared that at around the age of 25, they will STILL not let me go. But by then I might have my own place and they won't be around as I'm making plans and they'll just have to zip it..hee hee.

I agree. School can wait. Travel is much less likely to wait then school. Travel is harder than school as well, with the more responsibilities you have when you get older. DO it now, and then you can travel again after your done too Just don't put off either too long, one term of school is NOT going to hurt.

And don't worry about going by yourself. You'll never really be alone and it'll be your own little adventure. You'll be totally fine.

And finally, sorry, but not sure what to do about the parents thing. I know a girl who bought a ticket to Mexico (for a 3 month trip), and didn't tell her parents till the day before she left. They weren't happy. SO depending on your situation I would suggest just letting them see that your serious, mature, and you're doing it, and that they have no power over your decision.
Your dad's reasoning did seem a little harsh though.....

Best of luck! I know how you feel!!!
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Old 06-15-2006, 06:47 PM   #4
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Yikes! Ouch. I love my parents dearly, but know that they do a good job of raising an intelligent, strong, independent young woman. Therefore, I would have absolutely no problem saying "I totally appreciate your opinion and it saddens me that you're not more supportive, but this is something I have to do."

First, Europe is no more (probably less dangerous than) the US. Perhaps the bombings in London and Madrid (two-three years ago?) have your dad thinking that way. Well, quite frankly, your father is just flat out wrong to think it will be dangerous for you to go alone. Many, many people do it. You wanna know what's dangerous? Driving down an interstate. That my friend could put a quick end to your life.

Your friends' wedding - if this is a close friend (ie you're in the wedding), definitely stay. If not, remember, it's there wedding, not yours'. As someone who has been a bride before, I can tell you, it saddened me that some people weren't at my wedding, but on the day of, I didn't even notice.

If you are close enough that you feel the need to stay - there is nothing wrong with taking a semester off of school. Many people do it. Heck, I've done it twice and am still going. I know I want the end result (the BA) because my career future depends on it, but heck, I'm young, I'll take my time.

Nerves. Everyone has them. Going there will be a blast and will quickly cure your nerves.

What will you regret more? Not listening to your father or not taking the opportunity to spend a couple weeks in Europe??? You'll create memories and relationships you wouldn't be able to otherwise.

(now, let me climb off my soapbox)
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Old 06-15-2006, 06:52 PM   #5
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Hey dug!

I guess we've all been in a sort of similar situation eh.

I personally advocate taking time off before college - I took a gap year that ended up being more like a gap year and a half before starting college in the US, and it was one of the most amazing periods in my life. As lizz said, school will always be there, and once you jump into the system it gets harder to take time out. A pal of mine here at college took off for Europe on her own before starting college too, and she survived, and she loved it.

I do understand wanting parental approval - so far, ALL of the plans that I've brought up with my parents were met with a resounding negative. :P I've managed to talk them into approval (or at least, grudging okay) so far, with a lot of persistence and explanation of my plans and reassurance why they aren't suicidal. Also, they know that I'm liable to just do it anyway regardless. (like *cough* the plane ticket that I bought from Bangkok - Boston that they don't know about) :P I know it's because they're concerned for me and my safety, and I can understand that completely, but I also can't live in seclusion because of that.

If you really are fidgety and nervous about going, maybe a shorter trip would be a good idea to test the waters, so to speak. If necessary, maybe you could also compromise for something "safer"? Work with a volunteer organization, do a homestay, something of the sorts. Things like that can be very very rewarding in a different way from just backpacking.

Well, I hope you manage to work things out! Go for it though, there's so much to be experienced out there. :D
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Old 06-15-2006, 07:21 PM   #6
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This thread is very encouraging :D

thanks for the pep talk. I've gone around in circles telling myself much of the stuff you guys just told me to keep me motivated, but it feels so much better hearing it from y'all


I'm going to talk to my friend and see what he would think if I missed his wedding so I could go earlier... gulp... I feel like a scumbag even thinking about that, he's been my best friend for close to 10 years. But the way he's having his wedding is it's mostly a family affair, and I don't play any part in it. I would just be there. the cool thing though is it's in Portland (like 10 hour drive from me), so before and after the wedding I was going to meet up with couchsurfers to show me around town.


To be honest, I wasn't ever expecting my parents approvel of my trip to Europe. They are way to conservative to ever understand something like this. But I was hoping they would at least not be so against it. Everything is coming out of my own pocket, I have all my finances in order for while I'm gone as well, so ultimately the decision is up to me, but it's just like another poster said, something inside you needs your parents support
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Old 06-15-2006, 07:36 PM   #7
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Speaking as a total stranger whom you've never met, I'll say this; never has there been a greater reason to leave.

I've never met your parents, I don't know how much money you/they make, and I'm not even sure what you're plans are there. The only thing I share with you is that I too considered not going to Europe. Yeah, no kidding. By the sounds of the other posts, it seems like everyone else considered it too. If you back down now, though, when will there be a "break" big enough to allow for this? Are your friends going to stop getting married? Having kids? Colllege? What about a masters? Loan deferments only last so long after college. Girlfriend? Fiancee? Wife? Death? Birthdays? Parties? Car payments? Credit card payment? Good job? If you allow these excuses to stop you, then you'll set a precedent that--for better or for worse--will be nearly unwaverable.

Of course, to tell you that you're passing all this up because Europe will be perfect is a total lie. Will danger exist in Europe? Of course! Read the travel stories in this forum! Ask people their stories about South America/Europe/Southeast Asia/Middle East/Anywhere in the world; I personally (and Jamie, naturally) have slept outside of trains stations, lost wallets, drank ourselves blind, missed trains, missed planes, missed appointments, lost ATM cards, lost credit cards, and ran up ridiculous amounts of debt. The only solace I, and the other relative strangers in the forum can offer is that if death doesn't embrace you on your Europe trip, you'll probably have 70 years to pay off the debts you incurred...which is actually comforting to me, sometimes.

Hemingway (an author I dont' personally care for) said something about a man's struggle with the universe being his own, or something like that. Hemingway also wrote: "The real reason for not committing suicide is because you always know how swell life gets again after the hell is over. " Bear in mind, he committed suicide.

You just have to have the right attitude, and that attitude will curse you your whole life.

Tu jours pret.

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Old 06-15-2006, 11:02 PM   #8
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Thank you very much everyone for the encouragement


I just got out of a long (1 hour) discussion about this trip with my parents... and guess what? They've come to terms with it :D It feels like a HUGE weight has been lifted, and I am free to go and do this trip! Even though they "don't support" it, they understood my desire to go, and I convinced them that I felt like it was either now or never.

I am SOO excited right now!!


One thing that really bothered them about the trip that I promised them I'd "work on" was that I'm going alone. They said they would feel a lot better if someone was with me. I kept trying to explain to them that I'll find people to travel with, but that didn't really work.
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Old 06-15-2006, 11:51 PM   #9
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I would put it simply like this......

''Its better to regret something you have done, than to regret something you havent done.'' Chemical brothers words not mine!

I'm also travelling for at least some of my journey alone, and to be honest am at least a little anxious about it. But when i have travelled with friends before i never end up doing what i want to do. So go for it Duggy, and tell your parents your meeting some very good friends out here (tpunks), and that we all look out for each other. If they don't buy that yuo could always lie to them and make up a name of ''an old school buddy''.
Easy now and have a lovely european tour matey. Maybe our paths will cross for a beer.
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Old 06-16-2006, 05:00 AM   #10
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You can't miss the wedding! A big piss up with the oportunity to embarrass all he's close relitives..

I would stay for the wedding he's your best friend as you say, I don't know what weddings are like in the states but no Irish person would ever decline a wedding invitation. Just take the time off school, as long as you pass the tests at the end of the year no employer will ever care or even know you where leggless in Paris when you should have been settling into your first class.

My ol lad didn't mind me traveling because he spent a year in Aus when he was young all he wanted me to do was stay in contact to make sure I was ok.



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Old 06-16-2006, 05:16 AM   #11
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Personally I hate weddings but yeah I agree with MeTurk, he IS your best friend.
Also, its natural for parents to worry, my parents probably did when I went to China but if you must travel you must. Just use common sence and it should be OK.
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Old 06-16-2006, 07:17 AM   #12
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Dug! Awesome!!!!
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Old 06-16-2006, 08:01 AM   #13
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I think this whole forum is excited for you! That's fantastic news.

As a travelling partner, I'd say bring a ferret with you. Just remember, it needs a carrying case for the flight, and certified papers verifiying that its been vaccinated against all the major stuff.

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Old 06-16-2006, 08:37 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally posted by olivebeard@Jun 16 2006, 07:01 AM
I think this whole forum is excited for you! That's fantastic news.

As a travelling partner, I'd say bring a ferret with you. Just remember, it needs a carrying case for the flight, and certified papers verifiying that its been vaccinated against all the major stuff.
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Old 06-16-2006, 09:32 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by olivebeard@Jun 16 2006, 08:01 AM
I think this whole forum is excited for you! That's fantastic news.

As a travelling partner, I'd say bring a ferret with you. Just remember, it needs a carrying case for the flight, and certified papers verifiying that its been vaccinated against all the major stuff.
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great idea! I've always wanted a ferret

I could see that being loads of fun having a ferret on their little leash/harness things walking around everywhere with you
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Old 06-16-2006, 12:10 PM   #16
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Ferrets are overrated it's all about the fenic's those are the next BIG small thing! They are so cute only if I could get one!
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Old 06-19-2006, 08:12 AM   #17
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I know someone who sells pedigree pet sheep if anyones interested?? Some are even trained to level 2 Schutzhund.
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Old 06-19-2006, 08:34 AM   #18
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Glad the parent thing is working out for you, it's not a hurdle I had to deal with (mine kept their apprehensions under their hats until I got back, then 'fessed up - but then, they rock), but having their support was a big encouragement for me during the nervy pre-trip phase. That's totally standard, we all go through it - you're officially in the club now!

Personally, I'd stick around for the wedding, and then go, even if it means a foreshortened trip - though if you think you could postpone school for a semester, that works well too - although if you're going to skip a whole semester, is there a chance that you can extend your trip for more of that time? It'd be a shame to have four whole months and not be able to use them...

A friend of mine invited me to take a semester off and travel with him for four months, but I knew if I skipped school I'd never go back, so I waited until I was done, then went on my own. He had no trouble going back to school, that's a personal decision only you can make.

From someone married to the military, please tell your folks Europe is a lot safer than Iraq.

Or DC.

Or, as Jamie said, driving down the Interstate.

We've lived and traveled in Europe for the past three years, after a year in DC. Believe me, I felt a lot safer on the metro in Madrid two weeks after the bombings than I did in DC.

As someone else mentioned, tell your parents you have an incredible network of fellow travelers, some of whom are in Europe and can help you out if you ever get into hot water over here.

Good luck with the planning - and execution.

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Old 06-19-2006, 09:15 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally posted by dug@Jun 16 2006, 02:02 AM

One thing that really bothered them about the trip that I promised them I'd "work on" was that I'm going alone.* They said they would feel a lot better if someone was with me.* I kept trying to explain to them that I'll find people to travel with, but that didn't really work.
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Yay good luck dug! Yeah my parents were the exact same way. My mom was 100% against it at first but then I eased them into it after months of protest. hehe. In the end I told them that I would be meeting up with some people in certain areas that I traveled to and it seemed to comfort them a bit. I didn't end up meeting those people well except for a few T-Punks (which I happened to tell them were old friends ~little white lies... ).

For my mom, it helped a lot that I told her I'd try to e-mail her every couple days with reports & gave her a rough itinerary so that she'd have an idea of where I'd be when. Hope this helps a bit and congrats again!
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Old 06-19-2006, 03:52 PM   #20
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I know we've become a broken record now . . . but I'll add my two cents, briefly.

You will have the time of your life travelling in Europe, no doubt. It'll be a wild experience, you'll learn all about yourself and your world, while making new friends and gaining insane experiences in all aspects of life. (Damn, sorry to get so deep.)

Europe is safer than the States, I live in Germany and have travelled through much of Western Europe and I have a really tough time trying to figure out when I felt concerned about my surroundings. Maybe a few sidestreets in Amsterdam . . . and Genova (Italy) . . . nothing in contrast to everywhere I've been.

My parents don't understand this mentality at all, but they are supportive of me doing whatever makes me happy, as long as I don't postpone my college plans too long. I'll be getting out of the Army next May and travelling for 3-4 months before starting school. And just like you, I'll be delaying a semester, in fact this influenced my decision to attend a different school that accepted students in the spring. Oh . . . my parents were a bit worried when I went to Peru, and some Eastern European destinations, but I think they just bit their tongues. And now I've discussed my bicycle touring plans through some stranger Eastern Europe places, they're definitely against that but they realize they can't stop me. (I am sorta worried about my commander not allowing me . . . but since when have I been honest about my destinations?)

I live in Wiesbaden, Germany (Mainz area). I'll be out of this God forsaken country of Iraq in two months and making the most out of my last nine months enlisted in Europe, and then travelling Eastern Europe for 3-4 months after that. I'll gladly meet up with you, and I could probably show you some things that the average traveller couldn't since I live there and have taken time to explore it.

My mind is blown from all this silly bullshit and bad Kuwaiti coffee, so excuse my disorganized ramblings.
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